My brother is 28 and is still living at home with my parents. He is unemployed and has never had a job. I (26 F) have always suspected that he is at least slightly austic or has some sort of neurodivergence, but never thought it was enough to the point where he wouldn't be able to live a normal life.
He has a college degree but has never used it. He moved home immediatley after he graduated college and has failed to get a job, I'm not sure he has ever really even tried though. He spends most of his days playing video games but will occasionally step out to walk the dog or will help around the house. He's not a bad person – It's really frusterating as a sibling to watch him struggle so much when all I wish for him is to have a normal life. He will sometimes socialize with childhood friends who all seemingly have normal lives. Its a unique situation.
The kicker here is that my parents are both in denial and enablers. I do not live close to home and have not for the past 8 years, so I am limited in my ability to help the situation. I also realize it is not my responsibility, but I fear what happens to him after my parents are gone and that is what keeps me up at night. I've sat down with my parents numerous times to talk about it and they are extremely avoidant. They do not want to kick him out so that is not an option. I have recommended therapy, or taking away his access to credit cards, or literally just doing anything other than letting him continue to be fully comfortable living like this. Every time I bring it up they seem like they will take action but then months go by and they never do anything. This cycle has continued for 5ish years.
I am starting to resent my parents for this. It is starting to feel like everything is going to be left to me to figure out when they are gone – which will just end up in me giving him all of their inheritance so that he can survive. I express my concerns regularly and have had multiple serious talks with them where they claim they will take action but they never do. My dad (64 M) still works full time and my mom (61 F) claims she is too busy to make it her main focus. I am also building resentment towards my brother cause it feels like he is not willing to help himself or try anything to dig himself out of this hole. It feels like I am the only one thats living in reality about this situation or is willing to do anything. I have no plans to let my brother move in with me because I do not want to continue to enable him — nor do I have any desire to take care of a full grown adult who certainly could take care of himself if he tried.
I know my parents care about my brother and they did not think he would end up like this and for that I am sympathetic. I am NOT sympathetic to the fact that they refuse to take any action. I know they don't exactly know what to do but I wish they would at least try. I love my family and I want to have a relationship with them, but it's getting extremely hard to continue to ignore this issue and pretend that it isn't happening. I want nothing more than to see my brother succeed but am unsure of what I need to do to even attempt to make that happen. Looking for any sort of advice on what to do next or how to approach my parents. I am running out of ideas and losing all hope.
TL;DR My brother has lived at home for the last 6 years of his adulthood and has not tried very hard to get any sort of employment. It is causing me to build resentment towards him as well as my parents for enabling him. It feels like everything is going to be left up to me to figure out when my parents are gone. Looking for any advice on how to attempt to handle this situation going forward.