Happy New Year!
WARNING: this may be long, but I would like to read your opinions on this situation.
I (23M) started dating my girlfriend (20F) a few months ago. We talked for about a month before officially starting our relationship, and we have now been together for three months.
When we were first getting to know each other, we talked about how much we wanted to learn how to cook and develop our culinary skills. With that in mind, I planned a special day to ask her to be my girlfriend. I bought her favorite flowers and signed us up for a surprise bakery class
However, when we arrived at the parking lot and I told her what we were doing, she became very nervous. She decided not to join the class, but she promised me that she would pay for us to take a different one another day.
One day, we went on a date to a park to watch an outdoor movie. I brought popcorn and asked if she wanted a Coke; she agreed. When it started raining, we had to move to a different spot in the park to continue the movie.
While we were there, she mentioned that she needed to use the bathroom. I didn't take any immediate action to help her find one, which I now realize was my mistake. As a result, she started getting upset. She handed me her half-empty Coke and told me she doesn't even drink soda, adding that she thought I would have remembered that. However, she had never told me this before, and she had even drank soda on our previous dates
She decided she wanted to leave, but I convinced her to stay and eat something nearby since she had barely eaten all day and could use the restroom there. After using the bathroom, she tried to order an Uber, but no drivers picked up the request. She decided to come back inside the restaurant to order food instead
The place was crowded, so she went to find a table while I waited in line to order. While I was waiting for her food to be ready, she suddenly stood up and told me her Uber had arrived. She said that this was a "bad date" and that the combination of the rain and me not having a vehicle that day was "not good."
A month later, she noticed I was acting differently. I told her I was upset but didn't want to discuss it at that moment. She kept pushing for an answer and even started ordering an Uber because I wouldn't talk, so I finally opened up. I explained that I was upset for several reasons:
1- During a city-wide power outage, I texted her to make sure she was safe. She didn’t reply for six hours, eventually saying she was tired and going to sleep. The next day, she admitted she had actually been out for drinks with friends during the outage.
2- We usually have lunch together at work. I texted to confirm, but she never replied. When I showed up at our usual time, she told me she had already eaten and forgot to tell me. (We previous had an argument because I couldn't have lunch with her, so we agreed on texting every day to confirm). Later that day, we agreed to meet after our shift. I waited at the cafeteria for nearly an hour, but she wasn't there. When I finally arrived at my university, she texted saying she had to leave immediately for her mom’s birthday.
3- She complained that she always has to ask me to go out, yet I am the one who plans and prepares every date. Even on my birthday, she invited me out, but I had to pick every location we went to.
4- Whenever she feels "a bad vibe" or uncomfortable, she leaves abruptly, or tries to, unless I personally drive her home.
5- She once told me that I might have rushed into asking her to be my girlfriend since we had only been talking for a month at the time.
6- I constantly feel like she might break up with me every time we have a fight.
7- I was still hurt by everything that happened during the rainy date at the park.
After I shared this, she broke up with me. She stated she couldn't be with someone who holds in their feelings and acts "weird" later, instead of expressing themselves immediately. She also asked why I even continued talking to her if I saw all these negative traits in her. However, a few days later, we talked again. I agreed to express my feelings immediately whenever I am upset, and we got back together.
A month later, I noticed she stopped saying "good morning" or "goodnight" unless I said it first. To test this, I stopped initiating for a week, and she didn't message me until the afternoons. When I brought this up, she told me it "didn't mean anything" and called me immature for worrying about it. She added that since I work from home now, I clearly have too much "free time and availability" to overthink things, and told me I "wasn't a god" who could put her to a test.
I got upset and told her this was the fifth time she had dismissed my feelings. I pointed out that:
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She previously broke up with me just for expressing my feelings.
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She had laughed at my concerns or treated them as a joke on two other occasions.
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This was the second time she had called me immature for being expressing myself.
Her response was that we are adults, and if it bothers me that she calls me immature, "that’s my problem."
We met a week later to discuss this. She argued that she should be the one angry because I cancelled a plan three days in advance that we had initially mentioned a month ago. (In reality, we only discussed that plan once; there were no reservations or specific details.) We couldn't reach an agreement because she was still angry about the grievances I shared a month ago. She also complained that I haven't introduced her to my family. I told her honestly that I don't feel secure enough to do that because I feel like she might break up with me at any moment.
Now, I have stopped saying good morning and goodnight. I only message her in the afternoon so I can focus my "availability" on my job. I’ve gone back to the gym, running, and watching movies to use my "free time" for myself so I don't have these "immature" thoughts. While this has stopped me from feeling angry at her, we have become very distant and barely text each other anymore.
I recently sent her the link to the bakery class, as she had previously insisted on paying for it. However, she told me she is no longer interested and refused to provide an explanation. She also said that we need to talk in person, likely because of how distant we have become.
How can I tell if my expectations for communication are realistic, or if I am truly overthinking things as she suggests?
TL;DR: My (23M) girlfriend (20F) constantly dismisses my emotional needs and calls me immature for overthinking. I’ve pulled back my effort to focus on myself, and now the relationship is failing. I’m looking for advice on how to handle this communication gap and whether this dynamic can be fixed.