I have just realized that the first year of maybe more of my relationship was based on deceit and lies. I have been married to my husband for a long time. Today, I was looking at his Facebook messages and thought I'd play with AI. I typed in “ love” and searched his messages and boy was I surprised how many women he was dating and met in the first year we met and dated. I feel so mad and so empty.
For context, I was dating my husband for over 2 years. We were in a long-distance relationship. I noticed that when I moved to his country, everything changed. Don't get me wrong, we say we love each other many times a day, but I don't feel romance anymore. He never makes an effort, and god know how long it has been since he kissed me passionately. We kiss a lot, but only a peck on the lips. He doesn't even initiate doing the deed anymore, and I don't feel the romance. It has been so long, and the last time when we were doing it, I tried to kiss him on the lips, and he moved his head.
So now, I am left wondering what's wrong with me and if he's been cheating. How do I see his deleted messages? I feel like he's been talking to women ever since and just learned how to delete messages.
I feel numb inside.
Edit please be nice to me. This is my first time on Reddit and I am laying in bed trying to process this all. My husband has now left the room and acted mad at me because I confronted him about the lies and cheating during our first year of dating. I feel like this is more but I am also afraid to dig deep.