(I’ll preface this story that I am more of an emotional/anxious sort of guy and I have a tendency to overreact to things.) Me and my gf have been dating around 6 months now. We connect on a ton of stuff, same religions, similar interests, my parents like her, I’m pretty sure her parents like me, and we just along amazingly whenever we’re together in person. We both have our flaws, but for the most part we been able to work through them pretty good. However, I keep running into this issue that randomly she will like, impossible to get a hold of. I will text and call, but it go a week or even longer without me hearing anything from her. I noticed it recently since while we’ve been dating, I’ve had to travel a couple of times far out of state just to help out my grandparents. I’ll be gone for like a week or two and maybe I can get one call or a little texting back and forth, but I almost have to beg or text/call all day long for it. I’ve tried to talk about it before and I’ve mentioned stuff like “oh, you never call me enough when I’m gone” and stuff like that. But I didn’t want to make her feel bad, so I was able to convince myself that it didn’t affect me much or that it wasn’t a big deal. But it is really starting to drain on me.
I’m out of state again, and like usual, she didn’t even seem phased when I told her I was leaving again for while, and again it was like pulling teeth to get a call between us. I didn’t her from her for almost a week.
Two days ago, New Year’s Eve, I finally was able to get a call through. Although I felt terrible about it because of the holiday and all, all that built up emotion kind of poured out. I told her that I felt hurt and unprioritized and it felt extremely difficult to get a hold of her even if I needed her for something. She was understanding and listened to everything I had to say. First, she said that everything has been busy and that she had been trying hard to work around random family stuffs throughout the week. Also that her dad has been jealous that she has been spending more time with me, even though it’s only been a meetup/date 1-2 a week and she has had boyfriends before me. She also told me that she wanted to text/call me more but was worried about it. She said that she saw my texts, but not till much later and was worried about replying back so late and bothering me. I’ve told her this before, but I reaffirmed that I am, legitimately, always willing and open to take a call/text from her, regardless of time. If it’s at night, I’ll wake up for it, if it’s while I’m doing something, I’ll stop and hear what she has to say, provided I’m not in a meeting or busy with critical life stuff at that particular moment. While college classes were going, I never really told her, but I was used to getting barely any sleep on the regular, just to make time for dating on top of school, work, and family commitments. Lots of caffeine right lol
She was crying and saying that she very touched that I was willing to do that for her. She kept saying that it was her fault and that she needs to work on this. She also said that she has never been able to depend on people before and that this a new thing for her. And then, she has mentioned this before, she said that she needs to set alarms to remind her to text me at a certain time, which I thought was weird, but maybe that’s just me. I explained that I wanted to find a better way of communication that would work for both of us going forward, but we really didn’t figure anything out, just with her saying that she needed to do better. We ended the call with her saying that she needed to go but would call me tomorrow. I was not busy the next day and I spent most of the day texting her trying to find a time we could chat. I didn’t hear anything until late in the night, where she said she had a sore throat and understandably didn’t want to call.
I understand life stuff gets in the way, but this has been a consistent pattern throughout our dating experience. I feel like it wouldn’t be insanely difficult to just to let me know that she does or doesn’t want to talk? Maybe it has something to do with her parents? We both still live at home and her parents seem quite nice, but I know there is some tension between her and her dad? I just don’t know and I very confused.
I don’t doubt that she loves me and I’m positive she is not cheating on me. I don’t want to break up with her but I’m seeing that if I don’t initiate messaging or meetups, it could be weeks before she will say anything. I feel like I am missing something, but what do yall think?