My bf (22M) and I(22F) have been together since we were 17 years old and have been together since we were in school. We’ve grown up together, been through a challenging long distance relationship during university and came through the other side. We align on our morals, values and our futures. We’ve been happy in this relationship. I know lots of people would say date multiple people. We aren’t those sort of people and would say we date to marry.
The other day we got into a disagreement and miscommunication. My attachment style is quite anxious and if I don’t get the validation then and there I will start to spiral. He didn’t know I was upset with him. I felt it was quite obvious by my tone in our phone call, ending it abruptly and ignoring his text messages. Anyways during the time I was annoyed at him I started to spiral and thought about what it would be like if we broke up and what would life look like without him? I brought this up to him, this was a really emotional conversation from both sides. I came to the conclusion that it was harsh of me to jump to conclusions about this, since from his perspective he thought I was fine, plus it’s hard to engage tone through text and phone call. We came to the conclusion that we love each other no matter what. We would do anything to improve and talk about issues so we can become stronger as a couple.
This conversation helped my bf realize that he needs to discover himself more. My bf finds it hard to talk about his emotions and said this feeling has been there for a while now but didn’t really know what it was. The conversation we had the other night was almost a light bulb moment that he needed to discover himself more.
Now we aren’t really co dependent I would say. We have our own separate friends and have things we enjoy outside our relationship. We both really value our friendship a lot and is a big priority to us. I feel like I really know myself since I’ve moved away for university lived myself, whilst he did an apprenticeship in our home city and has never lived alone. We’ve both agreed in a relationship that we shouldn’t be the source of our happiness but only add to it. However we are a massive part of each others lives we text daily and have been for five years plus he only lives a five minute drive from me so I’m at his house 2-3 times a week. We are the main people we hangout with on the weekend and our lives are very much entangled. We’ve come to the realisation that it’s not a bad thing and I think it’s pretty normal for a relationship? However from his perspective it’s become a bit too much.
My bf wants to find himself more and discover who he is outside a relationship. I’m in all support of this and encourage it a lot. So we’ve come up with a plan that we’re not gonna text each other daily, call once a week and meet once a fortnight for a nice date. He said if didn’t do this he would almost regret himself if he didn’t fully know himself. He said this will allow him time to think away from the relationship and reflect on who he is as a person. I want my bf to be happy and I know this will only make our relationship stronger.
Kind users of Reddit I’m looking for thoughts and opinions about this, also childhood sweethearts and just advice on self identity in general. Thank you so much🫶🏻
TL;DR: Couple have been together for five years from a young age. Boyfriend is struggling with self identity outside the relationship