I am confused. I want to give him so many chances.
I have known this guy for about 4 years but we never really talked or met. We just texted two or three times before about some things we have in common. Nothing in a flirty way.
I have to say that he is probably the biggest crush I had in my adulthood. I had my eyes on him since day 1 and was creating all of these scenarios in my head all this time. But never really took a step forward I just kept it all for myself.
Last month he texted me out of nowhere. Asked me if I’m free for a date that -spoiler alert- never happened. He was texting me non stop and telling me every thing about his days, sharing all the details with me, and how he felt some sort of chemistry between us. The euphoria I felt was beyond anything I have felt before. It’s like something I wanted for so long is finally happening. I felt the butterflies and I was smiling like a teenager again. Everything felt absolutely perfect.
He started disappearing for very long hours, for days, when he used to text back almost immediately. I felt the anxiety of checking my phone every minute to see if I got a message from him.
I am very busy, I have two jobs and I have friends and I go to the gym. But I always find the 5 seconds to check if he texted.
For a little bit of context – the last few years I felt like I am missing out on so many things just because I hold myself back. I regretted not saying things or not doing what I want to do just because it’s inappropriate or not feminine enough or or or … So when this happened I was like, I will go with the flow. I will enjoy the butterflies and I will flirt back and I am not ashamed to show him my interest. And now looking back at this I am wondering, was I too much? Was it too obvious?
I am so confused and I don’t think I deserve this. I also don’t want to let this go because I haven’t felt this way for anyone in a very long time and when it finally happens it’s devastating.
How do we let go of an adulthood crush?