I (25M) have been trying online dating for a while now as it has been the easiest way for me to get back into the dating pool. After feeling down and out following multiple matches and dates going nowhere, I finally matched with a woman (23F) that I was attracted to. Our initial interests aligned – goals, faith, love language, shared love for movies and animation, hell she even listened to some more of my niche music (shoutout Cosmo Sheldrake)! This is not even including her being one of the most attractive people I had ever met. She has genuine interest in my work and hobbies, as I come from a farming background and would consider myself to be an outdoors type of person, and I have genuine interest in hers and her background. One of the most intriguing facets of her to me is that she immigrated to the US from Kenya, and she is more than happy to detail her country’s culture and even gives me samples of dishes she made from back home. After multiple dates (aquariums, exploring towns, movies, cooking together, etc.), we became closer and closer until finally we were ready to call it a true dating relationship. But then enters my family.
I am extremely close to my family. I would consider my mom (50F) to be one of my best friends, my dad (51M) is the one I always look up to and seek for the toughest and deepest of advice, and my brother (28M) is the one that always teaches me something new. I have immense love and respect for all three. So, when I finally felt comfortable in knowing where our dates were heading, I began opening up about who I was seeing and what she was like. While initial thoughts were okay, the cracks started to form in the ice when they learned that she originates from Kenya. Despite me attesting to them that she was a great person with a stable job, in masters school, and a Christian, they had a slew of concerns and quickly grew to opposing the new relationship. My brother had the most valid concerns in my eyes, as he was concerned about her sending money back home to assist her family in Kenya as well as her being new to the U.S., as she is still on a green card and would have had many years left until she could apply for citizenship. My mom’s concerns were the potential for a dowry if we were to marry, as while that is not required it is customary for some Central African countries and cultures. My dad’s concerns were “cultural differences,” stating that we are simply too different that it would never work. Mind you, they have never met this woman. All of their assumptions are based on pictures that they have seen of her. At multiple points, They all three told me to stop pursuing her, resulting in numerous phone calls, heart to hearts, and large arguments about if what the heck I was doing. They are shocked that I would pursue such a relationship with someone who is not originally from the U.S. and fear what would happen if I were to travel to her home country.
Of course, I had to address these problems to her. One of the things my girlfriend is seeking in a relationship is family support. While she is not asking for handouts or financial support, she simply wants to know that if she goes into a new family, she will be accepted and treated normally, which evidently my family will not do so. She has already stated that she is glad we are ironing out these details now, as it appears that our month-long relationship after a month of talking will head to a demise as quickly as we started. She now feels uncomfortable, as she does not want to get in the way and ruin the relationship between me and my family. I am immensely hurt. I am not going to say that we were destined to be together forever, but I am enraged that things are heading south and it was not my decision, but my family’s causing. However, I am glad that if we do split up, it was still early enough in the game that it will not hurt as bad. So, to the kind folks of Reddit, please ease my mind: what is my family seeing that I still am failing to see? What am I being too naive on?
TLDR: My family disapproves of my new relationship because she is a first-generation immigrant. They have never met this person. What am I missing that they are seeing?