I am so exhausted. My husband and I have been married for 10 years now with 4 children. We got married pretty young and was having our first child after 1 year. I have always carried the load of most things. Cleaning, childcare, the kids schooling, paying bills, the car maintenance EVERYTHING. We have talked about how he has not been a good partner and I understand why (he grew up in a home where his mother had only boys and she did EVERYTHING! To this day, when we visit their house, fil calls the shots and she does whatever he says. They recently moved to a new house and SHE DID EVERYTHING packing, picking out the house, cleaning up the old house, unpacking the new house etc. fil only pays for stuff THAT IS IT!)
Anyways, my husband and I both understand where this behavior came from but I believe that you don’t get to use your childhood as an excuse to not change as an adult.
We have talked and he has said a million time that he would change and “help more”. But I can’t even understand how as a wife I am even asking for help in the first place. If I don’t request something to be done specifically the he will not do it. Sometimes when I do ask he still won’t do it and then will become upset when I do it myself with an (admittedly w/ an attitude).
What did I do to myself? How did I ruin my life? Did I ruin my life? I don’t want a divorce but I also can’t imagine another 5-10 years like this. I am a sahm right now so it just magnified everything that I’ve been doing on my own all these years. Before last year I’ve always had a job so maybe I didn’t realize that I did so much to this degree. But now that I am home 24/7, it is never ending and it has ALWAYS been this way. What do I do? I don’t want to have sex. I feel like I’ve asked for change from him for so long that I don’t even really care if he does or not. There is no romance. I just feel like a live in maid while he’s out chasing his dreams, growing his career.
The thing that hurts the most is I can’t say at some point he changed because he has literally ALWAYS been this way, it has only taken me so long to realize it. If you read this far, thanks. I don’t have anyone to talk to. 😪