We been together for 6 or 7 year. Have a young son and own a home. Fairly simple life. He works at a gas station and I am a nurse. I travel for work to make up for his low income. Im gone alot of the week to be able to afford to pay all of our bills, child care, groceries, health care, pet care…I cover everything and he just has to make enough for himself and take care our son while I'm gone. This just give a general background.
Now Christmas, I did all the decorations, planning, buying gifts, wrapping, and putting the dinner together for his family to come here. I got use a prime rib roast as something special for all off us to enjoy. Never spent money on a roast like that before so it was very special and play in later. I got his sister and her son their gifts too. That really his only family.
Now all I wanted was him to get me a gift. I even sent him months ago what I wanted. It was $25 set of pads for my horses. Yes, I have horses but I pay for them outside house money. It's something I wanted and would use.
Come Christmas everyone open their gifts. I toke me months to really get them things they would use. I dont like to buy useless junk nor spend a ton of money. My partner, I got him new boots form his nearly 8yr old pair. It took me 2 months to fine them. Anyway, he didn't get me anything and told me he couldn't afford to. I left it go then but it hurt. I needed run to the barn to feed and vet (we did Christmas on 27) gone 2hr. In that time he rushed cooked the roast which turned out bad. All he did was complain about how bad it was even though I told him to leave it alone. I was basically ignored the whole time his family was here and when they left, he went right to his computer. No thank you, nothing. I was hurt, very hurt. I put alot time into doing this to show my love and to me I felt like it didn't matter at all.
Next day I had work but came back same night. Found he had purchased a new vape. There is only one place and one type you can buy in town, they are $35 bucks. I was mad and ask him how he could afford a vape but no gift for me. Turns out while I was gone his sister gifted him a large amnout of money. Neither include me on this. No, I won't spend it on myself. Remember I pay everything which goes into his account to pay out bills anyway. I felt like it was behind my back like I'm some evil monster that would take it. In my family if money's given as a gift it goes to both partner and its done openly. It like it had to be hidden form me. Maybe because I would used some of it to pay off dept as that goal I been working on for us.
I told him how I felt a few days later in a text because I needed time to calm my anger due to the hurt and wanting to ssay it in away that would show how I felt not just about a gift. Since I told him, I gotten the silent treatment. Until today. I left work last night due to me being sick. Something I never do as a nurse, I love my residents. Got home to find the house trashed. Beer bottle, left over Christmas box's, cloths everwhere…I like a clean home. He also been off 3 days due to new years. He pushed all bottles to the ground once he seen me come in and went to the couch where he slept all night. I got shower and also we to bed.
This morning, I got up, got our son dressed so he could go to daycare with him due me feeling like a train wreck. He completely ignored our son and me. Tired jump in his truck to leave. I stop him to take our son as daycare on his way to work. He told me I was a piece of sh*t and only care about myself. I will need take him and to go fu*k myself. I always go back on what I say and should go k*ll myself. Mind you, I cant be far form the bathroom and he seen me running to it this morning a few times. I wouldnt make the drive there and back without pooping my pants this morning. I did finally get him to take our son but he was pissed about it and slamming door around. I did tell him to stop throwing a 2yr tantrum and take our son. I was sick and couldnt do it. Now he no longer speaking to me. Normal if I'm home our son would just stay home but today I wanna sleep. One I worked 34 hours in last 2 days and two, I'm sick. We had something going around at work and they gave me the day off today. I would stayed but nope, they kick my sick butt out till monday.
Im left feeling like Im the butt hole for sending the text how I felt. Christmas isnt about gifts and it not. But I should of just had the joy of serving everyone and not myself at all. On the other hand I just wanted a thank you and appreciation for all I do and still continue to do. Without me working as I do, we wouldnt have a home. Im not sure which side my brain is right and I really cant input his side in so you guys cant get an even story to both.
I can say he stated he should get to stay home and me pay the bills since I went to school for 3yr for nursing. It my turn to do it since he funded me going to school by paying the bills. During school I stilled work and paid daycare and put money to bills where I could. I worked at farm on the side to cover my horses boards. I paid for my schooling and worked like crazy when I could. But yes, he pay a bulk of the bills during that time but not everything. So it my turn to pay up which Im doing.
How do I deal with this turmoil within myself to resolve which side of my brain is right? Im coming here as I dont want an Echo chamber with my family. I want the raw truth.