TL;DR in 2nd paragraph.
Hello,
My spouse and I have been married for 1 year, together for 3. I need help figuring out how to explain to him what I need and where he's going wrong.
(TL;DR) The problem is: if something affects my emotions, I can describe it and explain what bothered me. Then he will ALWAYS start talking about his own feelings and tell me to not interrupt him. So then we are left with only discussing his feelings.
Context: He's got ADHD with pretty bad emotional dysregulation. He used to respond angrily to any important conversations. He got on ADHD meds and has been much calmer. He's a really incredible guy outside of all this, so don't hate on him. This post is very 1 dementional.
I am naturally incredibly patient, I have autism, and I love to listen to others, learn, and solve problems. I do not consider him "a problem to solve". But i do love him and love to listen and help him help himself.
His parents are a mix of highly intelligent,neurotic, and cold. His mother is a lot like me, desiring logical explanations for things. But she's emotionally cold, unlike myself. I think he has not been given examples from them of how to respond to a partner in a loving and listening way. I have no idea how to teach that kind of thing. I just want my feelings to seem like they actually matter. But that's really vague and doesn't give direct actions to take.