My mother was fairly absent in my childhood and i was often left alone with my grandma to care for me instead, even in my early childhood memories i remember never feeling safe enough to express any emotions in fear it might set her off (Examples; Laughing too loud→ Annoys her and she lashes out / Sad over something → Must be because of her and im trying to guilt trip her)
Im going to turn 19 next year as i finish my final year of highschool and i plan to move out and potentially get a higher education, however until then and for any future interactions with her im going to need help as to how to navigate it
An example of what just happened;
Me; Hey mom, whyd you leave the bag of cat food in the livingroom? the cats are getting into it
Her; Why didnt you move it then?
Me; Because you didnt tell me to
Her; When was the last time you even fed the cats!?
Me; They had food last time i checked, and you didnt tell me to
Her; You arent a R—-d, you-
And then after that i kinda just mentally clocked out and left to my room to avoid an argument, which doesnt always work out because last time i did that she threatened to let our indoor cats out if i didn't return to talk to her, in other instances she has threatened to hurt me, the cats, or break my things, she did use to do that when i was younger so i dont tend to risk it and stay in an argument instead of risking to disengage
Often anything i point out is deflected and returned as an attack, "Did you plan on doing the dishes?"→"When was the last time YOU did the dishes?" / " Hey did you mean to leave this food out?"→"Why didnt you put it away? you leave food out all the time!" / And a lot of the time im not even criticising her nor asking her to do something, im simply asking things
This issue might be diffrent because im slavic, From the balkans specifically, kids tend to live with their parents for the majority of their 20's and even 30's (at least everyone in my family has) , Going no contact with a family member is extremely frowned upon and so is any sign of disrespecting the elders. Another fact i forgot to mention is im probably neurodivergent so i apologize if some things are worded weirdly
TL;DR My mom reacts to every question and statement as an attack, deflects and attacks me instead, How do i approach this issue in the future?