basically, this is about me and my best friend (m19). no we are not and never been involved romantically and wont be. so my story is that me and him have been friends since day 1, like since childhood. our families are friends, our brothers are friends, due to the number of reasons me and him had to move countries. but still i go visit him 1-3 times a year.
the issue is that i seems like we a no longer friends i guess so. since he got a gf (his gf is lovely we get along well and i am kind of closer with her now) he was obviously prioritizing her and their relationships and i completely understand it, however i feel like i deserve some attention too. what i mean is that since they got together (like 3, almost 4 years that they have been together) she is like his ONLY priority, as well as his computer. basically all he does is plays games and is dating her. well he goes to some language courses, but not really committed, but he has to go there. he dosent study, he dosent work. when i am in my country i am trying to keep in contact with him, but i get ignored a lot, so i barely try now. it appears to me that he is no longer interested in any news in my life. which is sad, because i know bro is literally only communicated with his gf and her family and argues with his family and thats pretty much it. when he and his gf tell me about their news and 'drama' i always try to support them, give an advice or a solution, but they always coming up with excuses to my advice/solution, and ok but maybe i am wrong and i dont know something or maybe they just want to complain and overcomplicate their problems.
secondly, what happens anytime i come visit them. soooo they make me feel like i am not welcome. all we do is what his gf wants to do, or shell get upset, consequently he will too. we dont go out, unless i am literally begging them to do so because i can sit all day in their room and just watch tiktok. we are not even talking much. so most of the time i either go by myself or go with my mom. but there is like 2% chance they will go out with me.
so i am thinking to just go no contact with them, bc it seems like hes doing this already and i dont text with his gf. it not like its gonna change much. lmk what opinion you guys have on this situation and if i am being childish about my decision because i am sort of confused.
TL;DR my childhood best friend dosent have time for me anymore due to his relationships and his sweet computer. so i think to stop being friends with him as well as with his gf and just go no contact since they dont seem to be interested much in this friendship.
4 comments
Wait for them to break up before you tell him you’re in love with him.
Your friend has issues that you cannot fix. He has no goals or desire and is with someone who feeds into this situation. You can only wish him well and tell him that if he ever wants to talk, you are there for him, but for now, it seems that you need some distance. Don’t cut him off completely, cause one day he may need a friend.
set some distance while letting him know you are there if he ever needs support
My best advice is to reciprocate the energy that he’s giving you.
You’re not doing anything wrong and I know it hurts he’s de-prioritizing you. There’s just not much to be done. It is a sad truth that some people mono-focus on their relationships to the exclusion of all else. It could also be that his girlfriend doesn’t like you and he’s trying to cater to her. It’s all stupid and hopefully he’ll learn to extract his head from his nether orifice but it could also be that your friendship has just faded out. That can happen as you grow and life takes you on different paths.
So, focus on other things and other people.
Take a step back and let him set the pace. If he makes an effort again, then maybe slowly see if you can rebuild things. If he doesn’t, then you have already cultivated other friendships and things that give you joy.