My girlfriend and I (together 4+ years, living together ~3) used condoms for the first few months of our relationship, but she’s been on Nexplanon the whole time. After testing and agreeing to be exclusive, we went condom-less for years. She’s the first partner I ever had sex without condoms with, and it honestly made sex feel way more intimate and satisfying than anything I’d experienced before.
Our sex life was solid for a long time. Early last year, that changed when she started getting her period again for the first time since starting on Nexplanon (~5 years). Around then, she asked that we start using condoms again until she could get the implant replaced again. Even though Nexplanon is still effective, the return of her period plus recent abortion-related legal changes in other states made her anxious about getting pregnant.
I struggled with the idea and pushed back a little bit in the moment, but obviously it’s her body and her risk and I don’t want to do anything to make her uncomfortable/anxious. Sex with condoms just doesn’t feel as good to me. I had some performance issues at first, then started enjoying foreplay more than sex itself and dreading the condom part. Over time, my libido dropped a lot and we went from regular sex to only a few times a month. I kept telling myself this was temporary and that things would go back to normal once she replaced the implant in 2026.
About a month ago, we had a serious talk about the future (marriage, long-term plans, etc.). I asked if replacing her Nexplanon would mean we could stop using condoms again. She said she’d probably still be more comfortable if we continued to use them. I got emotional and admitted — poorly — that sex with condoms isn’t satisfying for me and that I dreaded it; I hadn’t explained before why my libido was lower. She was hurt and felt like I’d been hiding this for a year and that I don’t enjoy sex with her, which isn’t true.
Since then, things have been awkward. We’ve had sex twice, but the mood shifts as soon as condoms come up. The last time, I made the mistake of telling her that I “wished I could just put it right inside of her” in the heat of the moment during foreplay, which understandably shifted the energy a little bit.
I don’t know how to move forward. She said she’s open to trying the pull out method when she’s confident about her new implant, but can’t make any promises about when that will be. I respect her boundaries and understand her fears, but I’m struggling with the idea that condoms might be permanent and that this might just be “how it is” sexually going forward. Our relationship is otherwise great, and I don’t want this to be the hill we die on—but I also don’t know how to make this work without feeling resentful or disconnected.
TL;DR: My long-term girlfriend asked to bring condoms back into the bedroom after years without them, and now our sex life is at a standstill and we both feel unwanted.