Hey everyone, I will try to make this as short as I can but I have a lot to say so please bear with me.
Ever since I was a kid, I have always felt like an outsider in my own family. I am the oldest of 5, I am 17F, and my siblings are H (16F), J (14M), K (11F), and Z (9F). My mom (37F) and dad (38M) have been divorced since I was 15, and I live at my mom’s half the time, and my dad and stepmom’s half the time.
So for some background, this has been happening since as long as I can remember, but it probably realistically started when I was around 9 years old. I am a very different person from the rest of my family. I am emotional and sensitive, and just have different opinions. My dad, H, and J, have always been very similar, and so they have always gotten along very well, and K and Z are kind of the babies so my dad always includes them.
So that leaves me. My dad never purposely disincluded me, but he absolutely did self-consciously. And the days before my parents got divorced were the worst.
A lot of times, my mom would have to go lie down for a nap, and these times were the worst. I tried to stay up in my room for them, but if I wasn’t able to, my dad and H would constantly start fights with me. H always tried to get me in trouble and she later admitted it’s because she liked how close she was with dad and wanted to keep that. This hurt me deeply, and I truly don’t know why my dad did it, but I think it’s because of pride and because he never liked to admit he was wrong.
I’m not being dramatic, I swear, these days were hell for me, I would always get so many unfair punishments, and I always thought I was the problem, but looking back, I was not.
And they have now acknowledged they were wrong and apologized for it, but they also told me to move on. And it’s like, this happened to me constantly from the ages of 9-15, six years, and you’re telling me to move on? But I tried to keep the peace, partially because I was so happy they didn’t do it anymore thankfully. But that has caused so much anxiety and depression in my life and has shaped who I am today in the worst way possible.
There was also a separate instance where my dad and H went out and bought fishing poles for the whole family except me. This deeply hurt me and I still to this day can’t understand why they did that. It happened 2 and a half years ago and it still hurts me sometimes. At least for this they apologized and felt really bad for it, but it just reinforced for me that I was an outsider and didn’t belong in this family.
Now fast forward to present day, and it’s not as bad thankfully, but my dad does do these subtle things that show he likes H and J more. He always does little things for them and takes them to things while not doing the same for me. And I know we have separate interests and I’m not trying to be ungrateful but I just wish he could at least try.
Also whenever we argue it’s so exhausting for me because I always try to validate his feelings and express mine but he never, ever does the same for me, and that hurts so badly. Nothing I could say to try to make him think differently could work because in his eyes I am only a naive child who doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
He also has this weird obsession with proving me wrong, even when I’m right. I’ll be telling my siblings things and he’ll always say I’m wrong or try to challenge me, and even if he’s actually the wrong one and I’m right and I know that for a fact, I have to stay quiet because if I correct him then he’ll consider it talking back and disrespect. And it’s just exhausting, and humiliating to constantly be told I’m wrong even when I’m right, and I don’t understand why he does that.
Anyways, I don’t think this can be changed, I don’t think he can be changed, so it’s unfortunately something I have to just live with until I can move out, and the thing is, he really is a good father, he just doesn’t understand some things. Like, I know this puts him in a bad light, but I promise he’s not a bad father. But this is so exhausting to deal with and some advice would be great, thank you.
TLDR: I (17F) have felt like an outsider in my family since childhood due to favoritism and emotional invalidation from my dad, especially compared to my siblings. While things have improved and apologies were made, the long-term impact still affects me, and I feel unheard and undervalued. Looking for advice on how to cope until I can move out.