Not sure if this is the right space, but I have no one else to ask.
TL;DR: The friendship broke down because over time I felt increasingly pushed out and ignored in what used to be a very close group. Messages went unanswered, I often felt taken for granted when we did spend time together, and the distance without explanation really affected my mental health, especially while I was dealing with a lot privately. I stepped back to protect myself, and I’m now unsure whether meeting up to talk things through would be healthy for me or not.
I F32 have known F30 since we were 19/17, we met in college and we met F28 around 7 years ago through a mutual friend.
This has been incredibly painful and confusing for me. These weren’t just casual friends, I was a bridesmaid, a godmother, and someone who built a huge part of my life around them. We used to spend most weekends together, so losing that closeness felt like losing a family. I was planning on asking F30 to be my MOH next year and F28 was a bridesmaid, I always envisioned them both by my side at my wedding.
Over time, though, the friendship became very one-sided. I started to feel quietly pushed out of our group. Messages in the group chat went unanswered, plans stopped including me, and it felt like the other two were becoming closer while I was slowly being edged out.
Even when we did spend time together, especially on holidays, I often felt more like I was there to cook, clean, and cover a large part of the bill rather than being an equal or genuinely wanted presence. That sense of being taken for granted added to the feeling that I didn’t really belong anymore.
I tried to keep things going because I didn’t want to lose them, but being ignored for long stretches and having distance without any explanation really affected my mental health. There was a point where we were meant to go to the theatre together after not speaking for months, and emotionally I just couldn’t cope with sitting for hours with people who hadn’t acknowledged the distance or how much it had hurt.
At the same time, I was dealing with a lot privately and felt like I was going through it all alone, without the people who used to be my main support system. Eventually I stepped back to protect myself, not because I didn’t care, but because staying felt unbearable.
What’s also hard is that about 18 months ago, F30 was confiding in me about how unhappy she was with F28, saying she didn’t want to be her friend anymore and not speaking to her for weeks. Then, over time, that dynamic completely flipped, and I was the one left on the outside. That made the whole situation feel even more confusing and hurtful, like the ground had shifted without me understanding why.
After around seven months of very little contact, I got a message off F30, on Christmas Eve, asking to meet up, saying she missed and loved me, which made all the hurt resurface. It felt like the months of silence, exclusion, and emotional impact hadn’t really been seen. I didn’t walk away lightly, I pulled back because I was hurting and needed to protect my mental health.
Overall, it’s been a mix of grief, sadness, and anger. I’m grieving the friendships we had, the support I lost, and the fact that everything changed without ever being properly talked about at the time.
I’m still trying to work out what to do now — whether it’s healthy for me to meet up and talk things through, or whether keeping some distance is what I need. I honestly don’t know yet.