So my girlfriend has been going through some stuff that she doesn't want to talk to me or any of her closest friends about, and she has gone through a lot of genuinely awful shit that I'm not going to talk about here. But she's talked to me about those things, despite how terrible they were, and the fact that she doesn't want to talk now is really scaring me
one of the things she went through was (again I'm not going to go into the specifics) something related to her health, where she basically has a life threatening health issue that causes her a lot of pain in her daily life, and also she's always stressed out about it. A while back one day she was feeling really sick because of it and accidentally mentioned smth about a bigger illness causing everything, and i eventually forced her to tell me what it was because I was really scared. But she didn't want to talk about it and I forced her and I'm pretty sure that was the wrong thing to do
Flash forward to today, she has been going through more stuff that she didn't tell me about and also needed space because I was going through stuff to and being a really bad boyfriend (getting mad at her, blaming her etc.)
however, yesterday (new years) she drank some alcohol at home with her friends, and mentioned that to me and i basically panicked and started yapping alot (I wasn't mad but I was shocked she would do that because she's not supposed to drink ever because of her health stuff)
after that, she ended up drunk at around 1am despite me stopping her from drinking at around 10pm
then she basically went offline till 12pm with her last msgs being some genuinely incomprehensible shit that she sent obviously under the influence
Now for context, she also has borderline insomnia, so she normally does NOT sleep that much, and from my pov she went offline at 130 which I thought was when she "slept" and she mentioned feeling sick before she went offline too
And so I panicked and at around 11am I msgd one of her best friends and her sister asking if she was okay. She came back at 12 and got really mad at me (mainly for msging her sister because her sister would kill her if she knew that my gf drank alcohol). But the main thing was that, I told her best friend about her illness. And we both told each other secrets about my girlfriend that she's been hiding because we were both worried about her (we feel like she's hanging out with the wrong kinda people and a lot more stuff)
It's a life threatening illness, and my girlfriend didn't tell anyone except her parents and sister (cuz obviously they're at the hospital) and me, but she didn't ever want to tell me I just kinda forced her. But now I told her best friend and i feel absolutely awful. I feel like I betrayed the little trust my girlfriend had in me by going behind her back like this.
I was planning to confess this whenever we get back together, but I'm really scared that she'll never trust me again and will hate me for this (because we've both been going through alot so we're kinda on edge, especially her because I'm being extremely clingy and anxious and stressed even though I know I'm not supposed to)
I don't want to feel like I'm lying to my girlfriend, especially because I keep telling her to be honest with me and trust me and tell me what she's going through rn, but I also did leak something she trusted only me with.
But also, if i tell my girlfriend that I did this, then she'll never trust me again, probably end things with me, but worst of all fall back into the cycle of keeping things to herself when she needs to talk to someone.
I really don't know what to do. How should I tell my girlfriend that I did this, or should I even do that? Should I tell her friend that we should both come clean together? Or should I just pretend like it's okay because telling her might risk making my girlfriend's situation even worse if she trusts me and her best friend even less. Should I wait for a long time before I come clean so that we've moved past this? That feels like I'm trying to protect myself too, which in a way I am because I don't want to lose her. But I'm really conflicted and don't know what to do.
TL;DR, I leaked a rly rly big secret of my girlfriend to one of her friends, and she told me smth my girlfriend was hiding from me too, because we were worried about my girlfriend's mental health and now I feel like that was really wrong of me to betray my girlfriend's trust.