Hey and happy new year
I’m looking for advice because I’ve noticed a pattern in myself that’s starting to damage my relationship.
Whenever I feel distance from my partner (for example, slower replies, needing space, being busy), I get really anxious. Instead of calming myself, I end up texting too much, over-explaining my feelings, seeking reassurance, and sometimes even saying things I don’t fully mean out of fear and anger (like assumptions or accusations). Afterward I feel ashamed, guilty, and scared that I pushed him further away.
The problem is: this has happened more than once. I know it’s not healthy, and I don’t want to keep repeating it. My partner tends to withdraw when he’s upset, which makes my anxiety spike even more, and then the cycle repeats.
I genuinely want to change this behavior, not just for the relationship but for myself. I don’t want to react from panic anymore or hurt someone I care about.
Has anyone had the same situation? Any advice would be good.
TL:DR anxious attachment is slowly ruining my relationship and i want to change for better.