I (27M) am in a relationship with my girlfriend (23F). Every year, she celebrates New Year’s with her family in Berlin. I live about 7 hours away by car.
This year, she wanted me to come celebrate with her and her family. I tried to take time off work, but my job is extremely busy around the holidays and I wasn’t able to get any days off. That meant I was only free on December 31st and January 1st.
My girlfriend still wanted me to come. I don’t have access to a car, so my only option would have been taking a FlixBus. The plan would have been:
- Leave directly after work on December 30th on an overnight bus (9–10 hours)
- Arrive in Berlin around 8 a.m. on December 31st
- Celebrate New Year’s that day
- Take another overnight bus back on January 1st (another 9–10 hours)
- Arrive home around 7 a.m. and go straight to work at 8:30 a.m.
The total cost would have been about €140 including trains to the flixbus station. I’ve taken overnight buses before and usually don’t sleep well due to noise, people calling or playing music, etc. Because of that, I was worried I’d be exhausted both during New Year’s Eve and at work afterward. After thinking it through, I decided not to go.
When I told my girlfriend, she was disappointed but initially said she understood.
Since I didn’t want to spend New Year’s alone, I asked my sister (31F) what she was doing. She said she was celebrating with friends in a nearby town and invited me to join. I know most of her friends well and agreed to go. Most of them are 30+ with small kids, and since I don’t drink much, I offered to be the designated driver. I drove my sister and one of her friends so they could drink.
After finding out about this, my girlfriend became extremely upset and accused me of ditching her to “party with other people.” From my perspective, I didn’t feel like I was partying or choosing friends over her, I just didn’t want to be alone after deciding the travel wasn’t realistic for me. Am I in the wrong here?
TL;DR: My girlfriend wanted me to travel overnight by bus to spend New Year’s with her family, but I couldn’t get time off work and would’ve had to do two 9–10 hour overnight trips and go straight to work afterward. I decided not to go. Instead of being alone on New Year’s, I spent it with my sister and her friends (as the designated driver). Now my girlfriend is mad and says I ditched her to party with other people.