My roommate (23F) has started wearing a no underwear short skirt around our apartment, which I only discovered by accident when she sat down carelessly while my brother (19M) was visiting. The situation was incredibly uncomfortable for everyone, and my brother left earlier than planned.
When I brought it up later, she got extremely defensive. She said what she wears in her own home is her business and that I am being prudish. I tried explaining that when we have guests over, maybe she could be more mindful, but she accused me of trying to police her body and her choices. I am not trying to control what she wears.
I genuinely do not care what she does when we are alone. But we share this space, and we both have friends and family who visit. I think basic consideration for guests is reasonable. She thinks I am s*** shaming her, which was never my intention.
I even offered to establish some ground rules about giving each other notice before having people over, thinking that might help. She refused and said she should not have to change her comfort level in her own home. I looked online for roommate agreement templates, even browsing Alibaba out of frustration.
TL;DR: My roommate wears very revealing clothing at home, which became uncomfortable when my brother visited. I asked if she could be more mindful when guests are over, but she accused me of judging her and trying to control her choices. I’m not trying to police her body, just asking for basic consideration in a shared space.
33 comments
Of course you are not wrong
She can wear what she wants in her house. Not when you share one with another person
Wait, so she wore no undies and a skirt short enough that her vaginal effluent was face-to-face with the upholstery? Oh hells no!! Plus it’s creepy to flash your 19 yo brother. Imagine if it were a 23 yo man balls-out in front of your 19 yo sister.
Honestly, this is probably bad advice but maybe double down on it? When you have guest over make it a big deal. “Oh and also roommate does not have underwear on so please be careful. I’ve tried talking to her about it but she insist”
It makes it super awkward.
Tbh this may cause more issues, but…u are not wrong
“If other people and I can see your labia then it is a problem. I shouldn’t have to risk seeing your genitals when I haven’t consented to do so. And I shouldn’t have to risk you leaving discharge or menstrual blood on surfaces I am also sitting on. Cover up and have some consideration for the fact that I also live here and should be able to feel comfortable in my own home. This is not a request, its a demand.”
As a woman I cannot fathom how she thinks wearing no underwear and short skirts is more comfortable than wearing undies. The amount of crumbs/hair/fibres that must stick to her down there makes me itch just to think about. Nobody is telling her to wear thongs, granny pants are so comfortable for chilling at home.
Etiquette aside, wearing no underwear on shared furniture is gross. I’d be super petty and buy plastic covering for all shared chairs. I agree with what another comment says, make it awkward for her. If guests ask, make a point of telling them it’s because roommate doesn’t wear underwear around the house.
She can absolutely wear whatever she wants in her private spaces but generally unless you live with a partner, it’s common etiquette to wear at least underwear and a shirt around the common or shared spaces. I wouldn’t want to clean up the furniture after her undercarriage, and it’s inappropriate for her to be flashing her water feature without you or your guests consent.
I’m a big fan of wearing very little around the house. My uniform is a T-shirt that is several sizes too large, an oversized sweater, and boy short undies. My roommate and her bf don’t care because they are chill and friends with me and my partner. Most folks wear boxers and a T-shirt around.
It’s not sl*t-shaming her, it is shaming her for not bothering with consent of the people around her.
Id buy some puppy pads and treat her like the dirty dog that she is. Lay them down on the sofa so she doesn’t leave her body fluids and filth on the shared spaces. Warn your guests about her behaviour, make sure she can hear what you say. That should shut this shit down fast. How disgusting of her. Though, if its attention she wants this might be right up her street.
I would see if she’s doing that around certain people, if she is and if people aren’t okay with it I’d hint that they’re welcome to file a police report, that’s kind of bordering sexual harassment.
She knew exactly what she was doing in front of your brother. No need to confront her – choose your boundaries with her as she showed you her character
Yea that’s just weird, and gross it she’s sitting on shared furniture…
When she brings her Mum over, dress in a leather G-string with a gimp mask and just sit in the corner of the room not saying anything.
Purposely flashing genitals to make a person uncomfortable is a form of sexual assault. For the sake of your brother, I hope you’ve filled a criminal complaint or threatened to do so to make your roommate stop.
Get petty. Ramp it up. Does SHE ever have guests over…? How can you make it equally uncomfortable and limitless with them?
Not only is it disgusting that her lady bits are touching the furniture, she’s sexually harassing your brother. What she did was wildly inappropriate. Is this the first time she’s done it? What does your lease look like?
You can’t have your vagina out when you have roommates. If she wants to be half naked, she has to go live by herself or with a significant other.
There’s “judging you and trying to control your choices”, and there’s deliberately exposing your genitals to others and wiping them and their fluids on shared furniture.
Your roommate’s behaviour is either hugely inconsiderate or attention-seeking. You are not wrong to confront her.
“When you are in a shared space in our shared house you must cover your genitals.”
It’s not about the company, and it’s not about the clothes. It’s about indecent exposure to anyone who did not consent, including the people who also live in the home.
If she wants to expose herself she can do so in the privacy of her bedroom.
THAT SAID… she may have thought that her skirt *did* cover her genitals and just reacted defensively. Now that she knows I would leave it and only push it if it happens again.
She’s already shown you she is unreasonable and you can’t reason with unreasonable people so you fight fire with fire. I agree with everyone else who states it’s sexual harassment and even assault if she is flashing you and your guests her vagina and you and your guests haven’t consented to seeing it. You should threaten to report her to the police and follow through if she doesn’t respect your guest. Your freedom ends when it’s encroaching on another person’s freedom and consent. Send her a text so it’s in writing that if she does not cover her genitals when in common areas with you or your guests, you will be reporting her to the police. State you don’t consent to it in the text, and therefore, it falls under sexual assault and indecent exposure even in private spaces, and she is free to Google it if she doesn’t believe you. Tell her you already have a witness to back you up (your brother) and that the text is proof you have had a conversation about it and expressed your non-consent, therefore, if it happens again it is willingly and knowingly violating your right to consent and it a crime. Period. If she tests you, you go straight to the police and file a report.
okay generally I’m someone who says you shouldn’t care what someone wears but it’s so not cool to flash your genitals at people who are not consenting to it. Your body is not a bad thing AND people shouldn’t be exposed to nudity if they don’t want
Let her know you’ll be topless the next time her dad stops by.
Totally agree! Living with others means some give and take. It’s all about respecting each other’s comfort zones.
Forcing your genitals on people who did not consent to it is fucking gross.
Sounds like she has some kind of personality disorder if she genuinely cannot see the issue with her vaginas being exposed to you and your brother…
She’s disgusting and wrong. When is the soonest you can move out?
What type of argument is this..ask your roommate if she’s an exhibitionist. Exposing genitals around unsuspecting people is definitely not okay. Recommend some kinky clubs to her in your area, where she can fully consensually live out her kinks like flashing her genitals.
Also: do you want to continue living with that girl longterm? Midterm? Short term??
Underwear is a must in common areas.
If she doesnt follow this simple rule, game on! Make her feel so uncomfortable.
Sounds like this is her kink. Gross of her to force it upon you and guests.
Unless she’s mentally ill, she’s trying to either tease or screw your brother. Pretty obvious.
So if her parents visit she’s comfortable having everything out in the open too? That’s an impressive level of comfort around family..
Next time yell “I do not consent to seeing your vagina!”
Flashing people is called indecent exposure and it is sexual assault. Tell her this.
Not flashing your genitals at 19 year old guests isn’t asking a lot. She’s nuts.
So, what I’m hearing, is your roommate sexually assaulted both you and your 19 year old brother.
“even browsing Alibaba out of frustration.”
What?