My (28f) husband (29m) and I have been married two years now and we just don't seem to be on the same page about most things. We've been through many things together, even did long distance for a year and are now living together in out second year of marriage and this has been SO hard.
I don't know whether these are just growing pains or whether it's the adjustments to properly sharing a life together or whether it's because we've both only recently gotten out of toxic home situations but I feel so lonely in this relationship. I'be been carrying most of the relationship load in so many ways and though he's a receptive person and really does try to do his best, it almost feels as though I have to scrape so much out of him in order for him to be a participant in our household and marriage. We celebrated our two year anniversary this month and since our first year anniversary was a total bust ( on account of him losing his job and feeling like he couldn't do anything for me in another country) I decided I didn't want to be the one to bring up how important celebrating our relationship is. This being the case, I ended up being the one to bring it up anyway and even when the day arrived it came and passed like any other ordinary day and ended with a dinner at least. I brought it up to him how disappointed I was and he made it up to me by purchasing a beautiful handbag but the fact that he had to "make up" for another thoughtless anniversary just drives me up the wall… we haven't a single beautiful anniversary in the five years we've been together and the two marriage anniversaries have just been thoughtless .
Atop that, we have been trying to figure out how to co-exist in the same space for the first time , he had taken to consistently taking care of our cat's needs and I have basically done 60% – 70% of everything else. From trying to figure how and when we should tidy up our telling him he should think about it bc I felt like it was only a concern for me to cooking all the meals and thinking most times about the things we need for the house. I work a retail job that I hate and he is unemployed and is not doing all to well because of this but I feel that something has to give. We agreed to no Christmas gifts this year because we wanted to purchase a dining room table but when I actually asked how he wanted to spend Christmas in general, he basically said something that eluded to him not caring much for the holiday or any holiday for that matter. I'm fact , he said we should only celebrate Christmas when we have children.
I can feel myself feeling more and more resentful everyday, I feel less in the mood to engage in intimacy and realize I might have to drag him to celebrate things that affect the both of us for the rest of our lives . I've said all these things to him and he has asked for patience in this regard but I don't see how any of this can turn around if this had been the status quo for five years .
Am I stupid for ignoring things I maybe shouldn't have ? Are the first two years of marriage supposed to feel like an uphill battle and what else can I do at this point because I'm honestly already just spent.