My wife and I are struggling with a deadbedroom and we keep missing each other.
Basically she is very sexually awkward and uncomfortable and she doesn't do well with things like asking for consent.
She is also Autistic and ADHD as well as so she gets overwhelmed easily. She also has reactive desire as well, that coupled with all of the above makes it that unless I initiate at the exact right time she doesnt want things happening, and generally things like kissing, touching and everything else are not accepted well. Due to this I frequently initiate and get shot down almost every time, which makes me feel rejected and she doesnt want to initiate.
My thinking is if we can have a system where she can give consent through a nonverbal/physical cue instead of saying/doing things (with a backup safe word and ability to withdraw at any time of course). Something like a hair pin she can put in that says she is okay with kissing/touching but no more, another for sex/free use and anything else. That way she can give consent pre-emptively without me having to guess what she is okay with and can then remove consent after I attempt something.
Does anyone seen a system like this that works for them?