I’m struggling with something and don’t really know who to talk to about it, so I’m hoping for some outside perspective.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a while, and emotionally things are mostly good. He’s kind, we get along, and there’s love there. The issue is sex. He doesn’t seem to enjoy it with me—or at least that’s how it feels.
He rarely initiates, doesn’t seem very engaged when it does happen, and sometimes avoids it altogether. I’ve tried talking to him about it gently, asking if there’s something he wants, something I can do differently, or if there’s something going on with him. Most of the time he says he’s just tired, stressed, or that it’s not about me—but after a while, it does start to feel personal.
It’s really hurting my self-esteem. I’m starting to feel unwanted and unattractive, even though I know logically that sex drives and needs can be complicated. I don’t want to pressure him or make him feel bad, but I also don’t want to ignore my own needs or pretend this doesn’t affect me.
Has anyone else been in a situation like this?
How do you tell the difference between a mismatched libido, stress, or a deeper compatibility issue?
And how do you bring this up without sounding needy or accusatory?
Any advice or shared experiences would really help. Thanks for reading.