He was a bit weird about me going on his phone, and of course there was a valid reason. It didn’t take long for me to find an opened tab with o*lyfans opened. Prior to that I tried to opene twitter and he quickly grabbed his phone back. Upon confrontation of the opened scandalous tab, he says “I have no clue” yet when I check his history the same site was visited a few times on the 23rd and 26th of December. He keeps denying, and then asks me to comfort him as he tells me the truth.
Idk how to feel about this. I had a feeling this would happen, I have issues with being intimate, I always feel gross afterwards, so I don’t satisfy any of his sexual needs. I can’t help but feel cheated on, he jerked off to another woman!! Do I break up? Do I take space?
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NTA but you admit you don’t meet his sexual needs and he watched porn instead of actually cheating. The lying sucks but sounds like you’re just incompatible either accept he’ll watch porn or break up.
it hurts to say but all guys watch porn. mine does too and ive just accepted it. im not really one to judge because i do it too, but it still hurts
I’ll get crap for this I’m sure, but here goes. A few things to note. 1. you all are young. There is likely a lot of maturing you will both do in the coming years. 2. If you have trust issues now, you likely will continue to going forward. My question for you is, is this something you can handle or is it a deal breaker? 3. And a guy’s perspective. This has zero to do with you, zero. Guys like girls and we are attracted to them physically. Strip clubs, porn and even the clothing industry knows this. Sometimes we just want to releive ourselves plain and simple.
Now all that said…if he’s spending money on it, or may show signs of a much deeper issue, it should be dealt with either by parting ways or talking it through. But end of the day, he just was being a guy, be happy it was some pics or a video and nothing in person.
The underlying problem is the fact that he won’t admit it. If he was open to talking about the issues then it’s worth trying to make the relationship work. But the fact that he won’t take accountability for his actions shows that he’s not emotionally mature enough to have a real conversation or be in a healthy relationship. Men aren’t used to talking about feelings or verbalizing why the feel the need to hide something, but that’s his problem he needs to work on. You may feel like you need to be the person to help him figure out his feelings, but while you’re taking care of his emotions, who’s taking care of yours? I suggest break up and find someone who will be honest with you. Giving him space isn’t going to make him grow up, it just means that he can keep looking at online stuff without worry that you’ll find out :/
OP although I get where you are coming from but Onlyfans isn’t cheating. It might be a boundary but all guys watch porn to a certain degree. Those site are made for them to get money, trust me they are not actually relationship on there. Most times they are chat bots abs post are managed by a company. It sucks but if you are going to take care of his needs the he did it himself.
I’ve never understood why porn is considered cheating/unfaithful, like women read erotic novels and no one accuses them of unfaithfulness. If he’s paying to talk to her though that’s different and would pr ick me out. And he shouldn’t be lying. But maybe it’s worth exploring your intimacy issues a bit?
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lots of people have different boundaries when it comes to viewing porn. people can tell you its bad/not bad if someone views it during a relationship, but that doesn’t really matter because its YOUR relationship. if this is a deal breaker for you, you won’t lose anything by leaving. you don’t have to put up with anything you don’t want in a relationship, there are people out there who genuinely couldn’t gaf about porn and will be a good partner for you. in the end, its up to you how you feel about this!
#1 the dude should have owned up to it!
#2 @20 yrs old a guy has a very high sex drive. If you aren’t having much sex with him this is his outlet.
#3 its unhealthy for a guy to not get off 3 to 4x a week in his 20s and 30s. Study’s show prostate cancer.
#4 if his addiction to porn is bad such as $ and or causing your relationship issues because you want it way more and hes not interested. Then ya…
#5 men are visual just like some women. Don’t take offense to him thinking the chick he looked at online is better than you. Its visual. If you have an issue with it then help him out and be his visual aid while hes taking care of business. 100% says he would much rather look at you than some OF chick! Provide him either the real deal or some pics.
#6 quit making a big deal out of sexuality… enjoy it. Its not dirty.. Last I checked sex felt amazing. Life’s too short to make things so complicated!
Don’t listen to all these TikTok generation people and Snapchat $.10 psychologist, absolutely no way should he be on only fans. That’s a violation of your trust, your boundaries and that that’s money that should be going to you.
DUMP HIM NOW
Honey, if you have intimacy issues, this guy is not for you and you shouldn’t be going to therapy to figure out why. Best wishes.
The only suspicious part about this is him being weird/ denying he knows anything about what you saw. That’s something that should be discussed, and it should be examined why he felt the need to behave that way, but judging by this post, it might’ve been because he’s scared of your reaction.
Moving on from that, on the spectrum of what he could be doing behind your back, porn is the mildest of offences. Porn’s sole purpose is to stimulate and excite. It’s pictures on a screen made by someone whose job it is to do that. There is nothing emotional about it. And its 100% not about him not finding you attractive (or finding someone else attractive). You yourself admit to not fulfilling any of his needs, and if he’s not asexual and doesn’t have intimacy issues himself, he would probably need to satisfy them one way or another, and porn is an easily accessible and quick way of getting the job done.
The only reason this would be a cause for a break-up or for you to take space is if you’re unwilling to compromise on this, and it’s a dealbreaker that he has sexual desires. Re-evaluate your priorities and decide for yourself if this is sustainable for you long term
These same women will throw tantrums about this, then close Reddit and start reading the most of vile and sexist smut of all time.