My husband’s parents (the in laws) constantly pressure us to visit or stay with us (they live in another state). We just bought and moved into a new house while still in the process of selling our old one. Boxes everywhere, small house, one bathroom, no real guest space. If you've been in this buyer/seller process, you know how brutal it can be.
I recently started therapy and was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. I’m actively working on it. But it takes time, which no one else seems willing to accept.
Instead of telling his parents “now isn’t a good time for us,” my husband used my anxiety diagnosis as the reason we can’t host them. He shared my medical info without asking me. He often uses me as the excuse rather than setting a clear boundary for “us,” and he seems to be in the business of never letting his parents down, just because they're the in-laws doesn't mean they should know about every inch of my life. Wtf.
When I confronted him about it, he washed it off and said they already knew I had anxiety because “they could tell,” (uh rude?!) and that he was just being “honest,” and that boundaries without explanations are “fake excuses.” He also said I was overreacting (classic). I’m already exhausted and overwhelmed with everything, I work a tough job, and I don’t feel supported or protected at all – my life just feels like one big pressure cooker in moments like these. It feels like his family is #1 and I'm #2, fuck how I feel or what I'm going through I guess??
I offered alternatives like them getting an Airbnb or staying with another family member so that I didn't feel overstimulated in my home if they come to visit, but it's falling on deaf ears. Again, fuck how I feel or what I'm going through I guess??
I feel violated, unprotected, and worn down. This pattern keeps repeating (I'm talking like 13+ years), and I’m honestly questioning the marriage and considering divorce, because he can’t manage his parents unrealistic expectations and it's causing resentment and quite honestly, a lack of attraction to him in general. I want nothing to do with him in the bed because something about this situation makes him seem very unmanly to me. Like, protect your wife? Stand up for her? That's hot. This is not.
All of the above is also 1000% why I’m not having kids with him (and probably never will in general), because I know his parents (and his mom in particular) would be up my ass trying to get to our house to suffocate me and the baby. I couldn’t imagine being postpartum with this kind of pressure put on me. Insane.
Am I overreacting? I really don't think I am.
Edit: And of course this is all happening on Christmas day, lol. Cause his parents always tend to wreak havoc on the holidays or when I have a break from work for once, something I also noticed in this never-ending pattern.