I (41m) have been married to my wife (40f) for about 20 years. We have 3 teenage children. I love her, but we've never been on the same page about sex. I want it far more than she does. She's admitted that she just doesn't feel the same need or interest in sex that I do.
She says she loves the sex we have, but she never initiates. It only happens if we're already in bed, not too tired, and all the stars are properly aligned. If I bring it up, she might consider that too much pressure, so I play this complicated game of testing the water, trying to sense whether she might be in the mood enough for me to bring it up. Because I also have to tell her, or that is also too much pressure.
Aside from sex, I'm also just a more physical person. I like to be touched, and to have her close, but it seems rare to feel her hands on me, which is something I enjoy.
I have no idea what to do. It feels like there are no good options. I don't want to divorce her over sex. An open relationship is out of the question. She gets upset when we talk about any of this.
I know this isn't an uncommon scenario. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Advice? Commiserating? How many married women around our age like to just have sex, fairly often and outside of bedtime? Am I hoping for too much?