Throwaway account because some people I know use Reddit and I’m not comfortable posting something this personal on my main. Sorry if this is a bit all over the place.
I’m 18F and I’ve been with my girlfriend (18F) for almost 2 years. Our relationship used to be very close and affectionate. She was very loving, showed interest, wanted to spend time together, and she had a pretty high libido, sometimes even higher than mine.
A few months ago, all of that slowly stopped. She doesn’t really have affectionate gestures anymore, barely initiates physical closeness, and for about 4 months now she hasn’t wanted to have sex at all. I want to be clear that this isn’t just about sex, it’s about feeling connected, wanted, and close to my partner. Over time, I’ve started to feel rejected and emotionally distant.
I’ve tried talking to her many times, explaining that I feel disconnected and that this situation hurts me. She listens, says she cares, but nothing actually changes. Last weekend I reached a breaking point and told her that if things stayed like this, I couldn’t keep going in the relationship because I’m not okay feeling this way long-term.
After that conversation, she made an effort emotionally: she took me out to dinner, planned things, really listened to me, and told me how much she loves me. I genuinely believe her. I’m sure she loves me, I’m sure she’s not cheating, and there’s no third person involved. I’ve asked multiple times if this is an attraction issue and she insists it’s not.
The main problem is that her libido hasn’t come back, and she doesn’t really know how to explain why. She can’t tell me what changed or what she needs for that desire to return. I don’t want to pressure her or make her feel guilty, but I also know that sexual connection is something I need in a relationship.
What makes this especially hard is that she used to be like this before. This isn’t how she’s always been, which makes me feel stuck between hoping things can go back to how they were and wondering if we’re becoming incompatible.
I love her deeply, but I also feel like I’m slowly losing myself trying to hold on without getting my needs met.
What I’m asking for advice on:
How do you navigate a situation like this when love is still there, but physical and emotional connection has faded? Is there a healthy way to work on rebuilding intimacy without pressure, or how do you know when it’s time to accept that things may not change?
TL;DR:
My (18F) girlfriend (18F) of almost 2 years suddenly lost her libido and affection months ago. We’ve talked many times, she says she loves me and isn’t losing attraction, but nothing changes. I need intimacy and connection and don’t know how to move forward without hurting either of us.