I am a [31F] and my fiancé [40M] are supposed to get married in January. We’re been engaged for 3 years, he never seem to want to move past being engaged. He even mentioned how he has cousins who just stayed engaged which I told him it has absolutely nothing to do with us.
We have a son 3M and currently pregnant now. He’s hit a midlife crisis (unemployed for almost 3 years) but has been able to help watch our toddler because we don’t have child care. I work from home but I feel like I’m watching our son while working and while trying to keep up with the house. So to say I am overwhelmed is an understatement.
He went through a period where he gets high and drank a lot and I told him he has to stop and be sober. He’s been working on it now and planning ahead for the new year to do something and be more present.
Another reason we are getting married is because he’s recently been more in tune with God and does not want another child out of wedlock.
What I’m struggling with is the fact that he’s not responsive when I’m trying to plan this shotgun wedding. We’re literally going to the church for a small intimate ceremony and going to dinner with family.
I make a invitation to send to everyone so I can get a head count to book our dinner and it’s like pulling teeth to get him to okay it so he doesn’t come back to me and say he wasn’t part of it. I asked him if he liked the invitation and his response is “It feels so surreal”. I can’t help but feel like he’s hesitant. Since we’ve been engaged I’ve always been the one brining up actual marriage and honestly I feel I give up on it.
Marriage is supposed to be a great thing but I feel like this is more out of convenience and even so he’s still hesitant. This marriage is more beneficial to him; he doesn’t feel guilty to God, he gets my amazing health insurance. When we do talk about getting married he only say that he will no longer be sinning and that we will feel closer. I can’t help but feel worlds apart.
What would you do if you were in my shoes?