Me (F42) and my partner (M43) have been together over a decade and friends for over 20 years. For as long as we have been in a relationship, we have been exclusive (which by the way is the unspoken norm here, if you are boyfriend/girlfriend it means exclusivity). Or at least I have been. To my knowledge, he never had an official partner before me, but it was also an unspoken truth amongst our friends (that I was told after we got together) that he held a torch for me and simply waited for me to become available. To my knowledge, we were nothing but devoted to each other and our family.
Now, for the last year I have been absolutely pestered with poor health. Barely a month has gone by that I haven't been knocked down by fevers, strep throat, head cold. This summer I had a cough so bad I kept wetting myself. This has been particularly awful because prior to this year, I never got sick. I was the one always showing up and helping everyone because my immune system repelled sickness as if it was a Teflon armour, no matter what they had.
Yesterday they did a swab because once again, it's like trying to swallow barbed wire and when I looked with a flashlight in my throat it looked like there was barnacles growing there. Just like the other times they said I had strep throat. And I was so fed up I asked if they could do some more tests, or like check for underlying reasons because it just keeps coming back. And today they called. Oral gonorrhea.
The thing is, my husband hasn't touched me (like that or otherwise) since this summer, and the year before that maybe a handful of times. I have tried to breach that subject but get shut down/shut out instantly. We haven't even shared a bed for almost 2 years. Because he has been sort of sickly and slept bad, and on the nights he did find sleep, he was disturbed by me so I finally moved to the couch because I gave up.
But now I have to tell him. And they said it's a long going infection, I'll probably have to remove my tonsils because it's so deep in them (not sure if that's correct terminology, I was a bit stressed talking to the nurse, I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow). Which means this is probably what's been making him feel sick. And now I'm anxious that he knows he has it, and that's why he's been avoiding me. I'm a massive overthinker by the way.
He is out of town at work right now, coming back tomorrow afternoon. He regularly works remotely a few times a week so this is normal. But we have never spoken on the phone, because he just doesn't answer/respond, so I don't feel comfortable calling him.
How will I breach this subject? I fear he'll say I cheated and then use it against me in a custody battle (because yes, I will be leaving), or that he'll just completely ignore me, or be mean. maybe most afraid he'll say mean things about me, about how I was so horrible I forced him into another's arms…
TL/DR: Hubby (M43) gave me (F42) an oral STD and I need advise on how to tell him about it and ask WTF he's been up to. We've been a couple over a decade and friends for over 20 years.