I recently ended my 5 year relationship and I’m struggling with whether I could’ve given more patience or grace or would this also make you go crazy?
For the most part, our relationship was very happy and healthy; we rarely argued, and we genuinely enjoyed each other's company after meeting during COVID in 2020. However, despite the peace between us, there was a major imbalance in effort and stability. Throughout our time together, there was significant financial instability on his part; he was working after things opened up but was a workaholic and saved a LOT of money. After a few years he was got laid off for over a year and lived off of the savings until they ran out. After they ran out I supported him and even paid his rent one month.
This was a long-distance relationship and he does not drive or have a license, I was the sole driver, even landed a job closer to him to bridge the gap and to hopefully live with one another to ease bills and rent for the both of us (I still live at home and pay rent with my mom) but he didn’t want to make that leap since he didn’t have a job.
Then he was involved in a scooter accident that resulted in heavy medical bills, I continued to provide the necessary support emotionally, physically, financially. His food stamps were cut off and he never followed through with unemployment. I also told him that I couldn’t help paying for things cause I wanted to eventually move out of my parent’s place. So I was going to cut him off… the next day he found a job… idk if that’s luck or drive idk
While we both claim to want marriage and children and the get to the point of living with one another, he hasn't made any tangible strides or urgency toward that future or a stable career, and I’ve realized we have different core values regarding family. After years of waiting and testing my patience, I have become completely checked out and resentful. I feel like a caretaker. This has destroyed my sexual connection; I felt like I was giving him what he needed, but my own needs were never really fulfilled in the bedroom and this was communicated multiple times.
I am at a point where I just want stability and a partner who makes a proactive effort to build a life with me. Even though the relationship was "good" on the surface and lacked conflict, is this something you really let go of after five years, or is it a sign that I have simply reached my absolute limit?