My (27F) boyfriend (30M) and I have been together for a year now. Before this, we were dating for a couple months and then tried to do long distance for about 4-5 months. He had plans to move to my city, and had a job lined up. Three months before the move, he broke up with me over FaceTime, when I had tickets to see him in a couple weeks for his graduation ceremony. It completely broke me and the reasons he gave me were that he thought we were not compatible and he sees me more like a friend than a partner. I became very cold and cut him off and then we didn’t talk at all over the next 4 months.
When he moved to my city, he reached out and asked me for coffee where he told me how he wants to get back together and how he’s sorry and made a mistake. He also admitted he was dating someone else over the summer, supposedly starting as a “rebound” right after he broke up with me. It just completely shattered my trust and I was extremely upset when I heard that and I told him I can’t do it because it will never be the same.
However, after a month I had a change of heart and decided to give in another try since I still had feelings for him so since then we’ve been dating.
He’s been a good boyfriend to me, reassures me all the time and tells me how much he loves me, tells me I’m his person and he wants to help me get over my feelings on being betrayed. He says he wants to take things further and talks about commitment and engagement but I just feel like I can’t forgive what he’s done. I feel cheated on and I’m worried he’ll do it again. I’m even reluctant to live together even though he wants to and I think it would be the next step in our relationship.
I’m not sure what to do. At this point I think I’ve given this enough time but I still can’t shake off the deep disappointment I felt towards him. My image of him has been completely changed and I only see him as a flawed person who broke my trust.
We are compatible in a lot of ways, we share the same background, are both from similar schools and have a lot of similarities in how we were brought up. We have a good time together and are very attracted to each other and are both independent and well-rounded individuals.
With time, I have gained more trust in him but it’s really never the same. Will this solve over time and is it worth considering engagement?
Tl;dr: even though I love my boyfriend, break in our relationship always makes me second guess. Now we talk about engagement and feel conflicted.