Hi everyone, I’m looking for some outside perspective.
I’m 23F and my boyfriend is 25M. We’ve been together for 3 years and have been living together for about a year and a half. Overall our relationship is good, but we’ve been arguing for almost a month about marriage and kids, and I’m honestly getting really frustrated.
I want to get married soon. Not someday, not “eventually,” but in the near future. My boyfriend says he does want to marry me, but only after I finish my bachelor’s degree and get established in my career. I currently have my associate’s degree and plan to continue school.
The issue is that by the time I finish school and start my career, I won’t feel “young” anymore, and getting married young is really important to me. I also want kids before 30, while he doesn’t want kids until after 30. That feels like another major incompatibility.
Another layer is our backgrounds. He comes from a financially stable family, already has his bachelor’s degree, and has been in his career for about two years. I don’t come from financial stability, so marriage feels like security and building a life together now, not later. From my perspective, it feels like I’m expected to wait and adjust to his timeline, but there’s no real compromise on my end.
I’m starting to feel like I’m moving at his pace only. I’ve asked about compromise, but it feels like the answer is always “later.” Because of that, I’m beginning to wonder if he’s avoiding commitment or unintentionally stringing me along, even if he says he wants marriage eventually.
So I’m asking:
* Am I being unreasonable or doing too much?
* Is this a fundamental incompatibility?
* Should I leave and move on instead of waiting and hoping he changes?
* Or am I overthinking this?
TL;DR:Together 3 years, living together 1.5 years. I (23F) want to get married and have kids young, my boyfriend (25M) wants to wait until I’m established and until after 30 for kids. I feel like I’m always compromising and he isn’t. Am I being strung along or just impatient?