We are often known for being way more indirect than any of our European counterparts. Downplaying serious situations, being far too polite than we often should be, and refusing to address many issues head on.
Some of the gems I can think of are:
"I'm not entirely sure" to mean "I haven't got a fucking clue"
"I'll look in to it" = "I'm never thinking about this ever again"
"I'll think about it" = "No"
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‘i better let you get back to it’
Or ‘thus isn’t aimed at anyone specifically’
And ‘im not saying…., but….’
My boss uses those all the time and I just take him literally out of pigheadedness. You’re not saying we’re being too slow? Ok cool.
“Yeh, maybe” = Absolutely not and hopefully you’ll forget all about this conversation.
“I’ll add it to the list!” When recommending a film or TV show. True meaning = “There is no list, I will never watch it, and will forget about it directly after this conversation.”
“Right” when you’re at someone’s house meaning “I want to leave now I’ve had enough”. Especially when the host replies with “Yeah” which means “Thank God you’re leaving I was thinking the same”.
“Recollections may vary.” – the late Queen.
Kind regards, or just “regards”
Meaning “no regards given” or “fuck off” respectively.
Or, “we really need to catch up soon” meaning “I don’t care if I never see you again”
Many years ago, I had a new American MBA hire assigned to a project I was managing. I told them ‘it would be nice if (piece of work) was done by thursday morning’. Came in on thursday, not done. Proceed to have tea and biscuits with them…. He was nonplussed – ‘but you said it would be nice!’
Had to explain UK use of subjunctive tense ‘it would be nice’ = ‘this will be on my desk completed by the deadline or else’
Are we allowed business talk?
Not bad – good
This is pretty good – I hate it
I almost agree – I completely disagree
Brave proposal – are you nuts?
A few minor comments – rewrite this nonsense
I would suggest.. – if you don’t do it this way, you’re wrong
By the way.. – I’m about to reveal the real reason for this meeting
I’m sure it’s my fault … – I think it’s your fault
Would you mind doing…(i.e. JFDI)
“I hear what you say” = “You are talking rubbish”.
“Yeah, it wasn’t bad. Pretty good, yeah”.
Whatever IT was was utterly mind blowing and fucking brilliant in every sense.
This is just a gentle nudge to remind you… = DO IT NOW
Do you want to help me with this? = this is not a request and you can’t say no.
– ‘How is the food?’
– ‘It’s good” = it’s bad
Constantly saying “sorry” especially when the other person bumped into you. John Cleese once said that British people often seemed to apologize for existing.
“Would anybody like the last biscuit”
I am going to eat this biscuit but I’m going to offer it around out of politeness first.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea” is not an invitation for you to try and persuade me.
It means it’s a fucking stupid idea and I hold you in contempt for even suggesting it.
In an email: “As I mentioned in my previous message…” means “Can’t you bloody moron read?!”
UK Person: how was the special meal I cooked you.
US Person: it was fine.
UK Person murders US person…
When presented with something that’s total dogshit:
Wow, magnificent is not the word.
everytime i see one of these threads i realise despite being born here how out of sync i am. Why can’t people just mean what they say lol it’s not hard
“Things are a bit sticky” = There is about to be a very large disaster, please send help immediately.
Half the shit around office politics
“How are you?”
“Been worse”
=
I have literally never, ever been worse. I am literally moments from completely losing the plot.
“I’ll look into it” sometimes means “I’m about 80% sure you’re full of shit and the outrageous or unlikely thing you say happened didn’t, but I’m going to check it out just in case.”
I’ll be in touch next year, we’ll arrange a meet up. (I will never speak to you again).
I’ll pop down sometime. (I will never speak to you again).
With all due respect (I think you’re a twat).
I’m old. I just say it as it is these days. No means no, more people should practice saying it.
Want to go to a wedding ? No. Want to go to forced “team building” event at work in your own time ? No.
It’s easy.
Its a drag isnt it
If I’m invited to something and say ‘I’ll see’, I am not going. Not even going to pretend to consider it.
“I don’t know if I agree with that” = “I do know that I don’t agree with that”
My old housemate used to say “it’s Thursday tomorrow” instead of telling me to put the bins out
Please do this at your earliest convenience – Do it now.
That’s an interesting idea = That has to be the stupidest idea I have ever heard.
I’m pretty sure these are just things every human on earth says.
“I’m not entirely convinced” = “What the very fuck are you thinking?” Hang your head in shame and come back when you have a response / suggestion to offer that you’ve actually thought about”.
If we say something’s good, it means it’s bad.
If we say something’s bad, it means very bad.
If we say something’s alright, it means it’s good.
If we say something’s not bad, it means very good.
Come over for dinner = don’t even think about stepping inside for dinner!
“Are you alright, do you need something?” for “what the fuck are you doing here?”
The famous one I always remember of downplaying a serious issue was the BA flight 9 when a 747 flew through volcanic ash and all four engines stopped. The captains quote to the passengers:
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Airways_Flight_009