After 18 years of loving each other, 12 year of being together and 6 years of marriage, I finally confronted my husband on his very clear lack to want to "become one" with me. I know he loves me, but it's like there is an invisible boundary that I can't seem to get across. There are specific things that he just prefers to be just him and not us… like financials, he has no desire to combine finances, he says combining them would just make a heavier work load for him but I don't understand how if we do it together. The next is his hobbies, he includes our 8 year old and 5 year old in his hobbies, but has never entertained the idea of me participating in them and I've asked for years. In confronting him about the handful of things that make me feel like he would prefer to be alone, he said he felt like I was just being ridiculous and looking to cause problems. For me, it doesn't feel that way. He doesn't respond to text messages I send him (whether he is working or not), he prefers to sometimes take his intimacy into his own hands (if you know what I mean) rather than come to me. He comes from parents who have been married and divorced 4 times each, both of my parents are 3 times each – so I just feel like maybe he is intentionally keeping himself "safe" by not enmeshing with me too much.
For your own personal further information, I'm anxious attachment style and he is fearful avoidant. If that gives you any form of better idea on what's going on here.
Am I being ridiculous? Or are we really supposed to become as one as I've always learned and heard about? What advice do you have for me?