My husband (29 M) used to work as a software engineer. He did a co-op/internship during university and was offered a full-time role after graduating. But he got laid off after about a year (graduate role). I (27 F) still don’t know the full story because he avoids talking about it and changes the subject.
It’s now been about 1.5 years and he hasn’t been able to find another job. He applies for roles but keeps getting rejected, sometimes after coding assessments, sometimes before. The tech job market is competitive and I understand that, but he’s basically stopped trying. He stays home every day, avoids friends and family, and doesn’t want to talk about job plans or next steps.
He’s currently on unemployment benefits (we live in Uk and government offer money to people who are unemployed and seeking for work) and I’m working full-time as a receptionist. I don’t make a lot, so things are tight. I’ve suggested trying other types of roles just to get income and confidence back, tech support, helpdesk, junior IT roles, retail temporarily, anything to help get moving again. But he refuses and says he will only take a software engineering job, even if it takes years.
We got married young (childhood sweethearts) and I love him, but this situation is really weighing on me. I don’t want to leave, but I am struggling. It feels like he has lost his drive and I don’t know how to get through to him without arguing. I don’t want to enable him by doing everything myself, but I also don’t want to abandon him when he’s at a low point.
How do I support him without enabling him? Does he need help at this point (therapy, career counseling)? Has anyone been in a similar situation and managed to help their partner/friends/ family members get back on their feet?
TL;DR:
Husband was laid off from his first software engineering job 1.5 years ago. He refuses to work any job outside software engineering and barely applies anymore. I’m working full-time, bills are tight, marriage is strained. How can I help him get moving again without pushing him away?