I’m so afraid to post this but I go so up and down about this topic.
Been with my husband (age 50) since I was 21, so 25 years total. Been married for 17 years.
We have been through a huge amount. His dad dying suddenly and tragically. My reckoning with my childhood abuse and not seeing my family anymore. I have had severe mental health issues. We have been each other’s rocks through all of it.
I feel like he is the only person who has ever really loved me, bar our son who doesn’t count as he’s programmed to love me if you know what I mean? Haha.
Anyway. Because of what I went through as a child I’m a very anxious person who needs a lot of reassurance. On the one hand, we have been together for years and he still chooses to spend all his time with me. On the other we are very life-weary having gone through so much together and also having to cope with our son’s neurodiversity/ behavioural issues and some serious physical health issues he has had lately too. So we aren’t calling each other darling or whatever every 5 mins.
I worry constantly that my husband doesn’t love me anymore. He’s not one for saying I love you (last time he said it was a few months ago when we were in the hospital with our son). That said, he doesn’t say it to our son really, either. Feels like his love language is giving care and attention to others, which he does every day in spades. Example: the other day I was worried about my appearance and he pulled me in for a huge long bear hug.
I mean, we are still in the thick of dealing with a lot of very stressful stuff and he says that’s why he’s not super lovey dovey. He’s not a hand holder, for example. But he does care about me hugely and is always nagging me to get enough sleep etc etc.
I dunno what I’m asking really. I just wish we were more cuddly and kissy like we used to be. We are still intimate and that’s always good. I don’t know how to stop being paranoid that he doesn’t love me anymore.
TLDR: I was abused as a child and constantly afraid that my husband will stop loving me as I feel like nobody else really did. We have been together for half our lives and aren’t very kissy or saying ‘I love you’ anymore.