I female (45) have been with my partner male (40) for coming up 6 years.
We got engaged in August this year.
I am a very insecure person.
I asked when we could get married and was told 2 years.
I found a venue with what I believe to be a very reasonable price £3k all in but this is only a deal for Jan and Feb, we went to look at the venue and we love it, we discussed dates with the lady and the only available date was 13th Feb 27 so held the date for 2 weeks.
I could tell at that point my partner wasn’t really up for this so I asked to talk the following Friday as he was working away all week he said no he wanted until the following Wednesday. We had a chat and one issue was a child, I have 2 grown children of my own and he has an 11 yr old but wants more children, I can no longer have children which he has known since day one. So we agreed that he had 6 months to research other options and that the wedding would go ahead.
The next day whilst at work he text me and said he thought we should postpone the wedding, when I asked why he said it was the child issue and that he wanted to get over that hurdle first. I responded that I was not aware my ring came with Terms and Conditions.
We had a bit of an argument and it was back on.
Fast forward to the contract arriving and he wants to postpone again, reason this time is finance. This is something we discussed and tbf he did say bring this up the original discussion above. But what I don’t understand is he lets me pay for things now like holidays and more towards every day living. He’s saying to push back 10 months which will cost £1k more, this makes no sense to me why not if he wants to cover half just pay me back after?
He has said he will get married in a registry office but have no party earlier. I believe he’s saying this because he knows that’s not what I really want. I want our children, family and friends there. Doing it on our makes me feel like it’s a dirty secret and I think he knows this which is why he’s saying he will!
I truly feel like he’s holding out for something else or someone else.
I’m not getting any younger and my head is all over.
I feel like I should end things and not waste any more of my life, but I do love him.
Last night in drink we had the conversation with my sister and she doesn’t see the issue in waiting so he thinks I’m being unreasonable however my sister does not know about the child thing also she does not know that I currently spend more towards the relationship already because she would have a lot to say about this.
Please help
Edit: Thank you to everyone that has taken the time to comment. To clear up the child issue it didn’t come as a suprise it is something I have always known he’s wanted, but to date he’s done nothing about it, he has always said especially in the beginning we don’t know what the future will hold that he wants to be with me over everything. It’s just now it seems to be a barrier to the wedding, he now says it’s not a barrier and the only real barrier is the finances but he will happily do the register office sooner.
I think you are all correct and that for whatever reason I am holding out for change 😢