I’m (27F) seeing a guy (37M) and we’ve been dating for about 2.5 months. We’re not officially in a relationship, but we’ve been spending consistent time together and seeing each other regularly.
In the beginning, things felt very intentional: planned dates, steady communication, and clear effort. About a month in, he didn’t get a job he was expecting and went mostly quiet for about a week (this was around Thanksgiving). I gave him space, and when I checked in he sent a long message apologizing for dropping off the map and explaining he was stressed and trying to regroup.
Since then, we still connect well in person and have good conversations, but the structure feels a bit looser. Around Christmas specifically, there were a couple stretches where we didn’t text for a day or two, which hadn’t really happened before. Outside of the holidays, communication has generally been consistent.
We’ve mostly gone on actual dates (concerts, dinners, outings). There’s only been one more go-with-the-flow hangout where we stayed in, had frozen pizza, and relaxed — and it was honestly kind of cute, not negative. So this isn’t a pattern yet, but it’s new enough that I’m paying attention.
He has a demanding job and seems genuinely stressed. When overwhelmed, he tends to withdraw a bit, then resurface casually like nothing’s wrong. He doesn’t really do phone calls or FaceTime — mostly texting and in-person time.
I don’t need constant communication or to rush into labels, but I do want consistency, intentional dates, and clarity. I don’t want things to drift into something casual by default.
I’m trying to figure out whether:
• this is just a temporary stress/holiday phase, or
• we have different communication and pacing styles that might be a mismatch long-term.
I’m also self-aware that I can overthink when I care about someone, so I’m trying to separate anxiety from actual incompatibility.
For people who’ve dated someone with a demanding career or who withdraws under stress …does this sound like something that usually balances back out, or something that requires a direct conversation to avoid drifting?