WARNING AND APOLOGY, I'm sorry but I cannot express this situation without ending up with a gigantic text. A big thanks to whoever has the patience and intention to go through all this. Im feeling lost. Thank u a lot, really.
Hi everyone, I'm currently facing a hard time, as me and my girlfriend broke up. Context being we are 6 years school best friends, but tried to explore a relationship together since april '25. We found out that being a couple doesn't work for her, as she cannot really put effort in it and is crushed by social expectations, and generally ended up not enjoying our times at best. we broke up couple months ago, but decided after 2 days to build something together nonetheless. We spoke about a new beginning, exploration based and freedom based, to try avoid those patterns she didn't like and couldn't work with. Then we spent 2 months not seeing each other, as we were tryin to find the best and most appropriate time and place to work on those new dynamics at total peace. (fun fact we live in two different towns, but it hasn't been a problem since always).
Fast forward to when we first met, a couple days ago, I was overcharged with the feeling that she wouldn't really want to do it, and I was actually thinking we would end up together in the best sense possible (a couple) simply deconstructing those patterns I've already spoke about. But she was distant and didn't really put that much effort in seeing me in the beginning, that I just felt it was over and I had to move on.
We saw each other, spent a nice afternoon together, and then I told her I was just really proved by what had happened, and didn't think it would eventually work out if she wouldn't have put some effort in it, and generally made me feel she wouldnt really want to choose me everytime.
She reacted bewildered, and told me we may have intended differently what we said on that night we "were back together again". She really believed in nonchalance, no effort and thoughts for the future, and generally really enjoyed my company even more with that concept in mind. She basically wants to be friends again, but spoke about a deep connection between us (that transcends time and place) that she believed to be unbreakable and just made us enjoy the other fully whenever we had the chance to be together. We spoke about sex, about phisical things, kisses and love expressions, and she just said to really want all that still. Just not as something needed, mandatory and costant as society imposes a couple to be.
We kissed, we spoke about how to live this new things, and really helped me to finally understand how I had to let go all previous plans to be a traditional couple, and not to ask her for constance.
We spoke about find someone else, and I consider myself single as I think to want someone in my life that is always present and participate.
Nonetheless I want to preserve my connection with this girl, and really like the concept we built together, phisically too.
My problem is I'm currently facing a deconstruction of what my thoughts of being with her were, and a thing happened last night as we were at our friend birthday and she just behaved totally differently from the day before. She avoided me, treated me with zero attentions and it seemed to me like she was really acting to make me understand she would be just fine without me. She laughed, talked a lot and was generally really close to our other friend, and I had a hard time digesting all of that. I thought everything we said before was just erased and not actually felt, or that it was the confirm all our plans would be too hard to realize. We will not see each other for another month (she has so much things to do).
I feel really attached to her, I need to move on, and to understand what I need and what I want to be. I'm kinda lost. I like this situation tho, but my body isn't reacting with joy and peace at this new thing. I really need to change something with myself, I feel discouraged to find new people and I don't know if I'll end up ruining this connection with her, as for today seems to be the most important thing of my life. what can I do?
again, thank u who are gone through this enormous text. thank u!!!
TL:DR: Breakup, but stayed friends, with sex and phisicality included. Great mood, but the next day she avoided me. Need a hand to move on and face this new thing that I like nonetheless.