My boyfriend (27m) and I (26f) haven’t been dating long (month or two), and I don’t have a ton of experience with dating in general but I feel like there’s some issued and just want other people’s opinions and advice on how to proceed.
Things started fine, he was thoughtful about my interests, wasn’t pushy or anything and if we’re judging by the company he keeps, they seem like nice people.
I feel like after we became official though, things took a little bit of a turn.
What really has given me a weird feeling and made me become a bit distant is our differing sex drives (at least as of recently). I’ve been stressed about a lot of things recently, like the holidays, and have been a bit socially burnt out. A little while ago I told him to come to bed because I wanted to go to bed, and I got under the covers and curled up and he pouted a bit because he thought I was implying sex. I said I had just meant I wanted to go to bed and he tried to convince me still, and (jokingly?) said he’d done a lot for me (fingers etc) and he hadn’t been made to finish yet (though we agreed no sex without birth control and he said he cant finish in condoms). I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it since we were staying with his family that night, and I’d rather it be at his place for privacy. He eventually let it go and went to sleep.
I cut things short the following day even though we had planned to go to his, I was burnt out from socializing with his family and a bit put off by the pouting from the earlier night. He told me he didn’t like that I don’t stick to plans, which is fair, but when I do flake it’s for good reason (I knew if I did anything more that day I was going to be laid up and cranky for days after, my battery was so dead).
He told me he’d wait until I initiated during the next hangout, which seemed like a good idea to me and eased my worries a bit. Within the same visit though, he got handsy and wanted to go further. I said I wasn’t really feeling it, had just finished finals and still adjusting to birth control. He said it was fine, he could just use spit if I wasn’t wet enough. I pointed out that wasn’t really the issue, the issue was that I wouldn’t enjoy it at all. He said we need to figure something out but as long as I was “trying” to do it with him then we’d be fine.
Things are fine when we’re out in public or with friends/family but I feel like the moment we’re alone somewhere to expect him to try and initiate which is just wearing on me because sometimes I just want to actually watch a movie or something.
Is this pressuring or am I being sensitive/ is it just mismatched libidos? What do people do in these situations, how do you talk about it? I’m not sure how to get past this or if I even want to stay but I feel like a jerk if I break up right around the holidays. We haven’t discussed it yet, mostly because I don’t know what to say.
tldr: not sure if im being actually pressured into sex especially if i dont give in. need advice going forward, if i should break up how to break up? if i should stay, what do i say if i bring this pattern up?
edit: not sure where the ‘no’ came from that ended up in the title but idk how to remove it