Hi Reddit,
The title says a lot of it. We celebrated our 3 year anniversary in October. He wasn't a very good boyfriend if I'm being honest, he was incredibly mean to me during the talking phase and we actually got together on the day I had planned to stop being friends with him and walk out of his life for good because of it. Shortly before we started dating I had been raped and while dating him went through court stuff and school case stuff and he wasn't very supportive at all. He sucked.
He got better for a while, we fought less, had more fun. When we graduated school our relationship seemed strong. That was a year and a half ago. When we moved in together this August he seemed to drop all the work he had put into our relationship. He stopped communicating, he would come home and not greet me (I got home earlier but worked later) instead he would play video games for hours, I did most of the cooking. He felt more like a roommate I was begging for a relationship with than an actual boyfriend.
We had a fight a couple of months ago about this and all he ever did was make excuses. All I ever asked him to do was try, I even gave him blueprints on what I needed from him and he admitted he hadn't been trying after always promising he was.
In early November I had a really traumatic family event going on that persisted until December 23rd. Really, really traumatic. I had known I was probably going to be depressed and anxious so I had asked him if he could be extra supportive, he seemed into this and asked me how he could be. I had told him I probably wouldn't want to talk much but that he could seek me out in our apartment and just sit with me and cuddle me. He never did, I always sought him out. Eventually, my family event got to be too much and his lack of support didn't help so I stopped seeking him out to seek what he would do.
He never did anything, literally. I felt like I was trapped and tethered to him but also felt like he was a stranger. Last night we even had a mini fight which boiled down to me being upset that I could never win with him, he would always make me out to be a bad, angry person in his mind. He thought I was snippy because I trusted him that I didn't need to see something on his phone and he only talked to me twice afterwards for the entire day and that was only when I talked to him first.
This morning, Christmas morning, we had our Christmas and I was quiet- Admittedly maybe a little upset/snippy. But I tried, I made cinnamon rolls from his childhood, included him in making them, made tea with him, opened presents. I tried really hard for how I was feeling which still wasn't emotionally great because the family event, though pretty much over with for now, was still a fresh wound.
That was apparently too much for him. I asked too much of him. I went to my parents house after we did our presents and cuddling on the couch a bit. I later asked if he wanted to come for breakfast and he said no and some other stuff.
I got home later and all his stuff was gone. He had packed it all up in his car and left, not even a note was left. I called him and all he had to say was that he was at his limit in supporting and loving me, but he never really did any of those things to begin with. He gave up before he ever really tried and I feel so stupid and hurt and blindsided.
We texted a little bit but it was more of him making the same excuses.
I feel sick to my stomach, I don't know what to do or how to feel but I feel sick and sad and angry but I don't know what to do with these feelings or for myself. I have friends coming over tomorrow which was planned but now I have no idea what to do with them either. They know and are really upset but I just… I need some guidance I guess. I'm hurt. I tried so hard to be loved the way I needed to be but he never even tried.
What does one do in this terrible of a breakup situation? Also how do I reconnect with who I was in the past, it seems so far away?
Edit: To add a couple of things, I suspect he also was going into my tablet today, specifically my messages because whenever I do on there my phone gets a message that the devices are paired and I got that twice. Idk why he was doing it, he would have no reason to be on there or think I was cheating? I guess he was looking for an excuse? Just weird.