Everyone I match with supposedly wants a "serious" relationship. Yet it's like they make a race about who can show the least amount of effort and interest. It doesn't really matter what I say, or what kind of picture I put out.

They don't care.

Why don't they care?


41 comments

  1. I don’t do this but as a woman when I show interest and have good conversations and ask for a date it scares the guys off. But it seems guys like the girls that feel indifferent so they are probably just playing “the game” to see who pursues them

  3. the women here are not the women on dating apps who show the least amount of effort and interest. they’re having the same problems as you

  4. It’s abundance theory and both men and women fall into it. Whyy talk to something or take them seriously when someone “better” might be around the corner.

  5. They likely do want a serious relationship, just not with you

    If a girl actually wants to be with you she will move mountains to make it happen

  6. Make it a race? No idea what you’re talking about. If someone gives me the least amount of effort and/or interest, I’m unmatching

  7. Realistically, why would they? They have more options than they have the bandwidth to process, so its on the man to earn their attention. Any man for them is just a drop in the ocean. It’s nothing nefarious or immoral its just normal supply/demand imbalnced market behaviour.

  9. Stop. Its not that we dont care. Its that we are FLIPPING tired of the same empty profiles, we’re tired of putting g effort into our profiles just to have them ignored, we’re tired of a decent conversation taking a solid right turn very quickly into what the hell did you just say town, we are over the lack of wanting to truly getting to know someone by asking stupid questions. I’m a grown ass adult. Why ate you asking me my favorite color? We. Are. Just. Tired. Of. The. Damned. Games.

  10. honestly dude just stay off the dating apps. its not good for your mental health. Wastes money and time and destroys your confidence

  11. I don’t match often, but when I do, I get replies like:
    Yeah
    Okay
    Cool
    Basically, dry message. I’m not forcing you to talk, and I’m trying to be entertaining and interested. I dont understand why you’d keep replying if you’re not interested.
    The best advice I can give is just to move on and dont let it bother you. At the end of the day, there are plenty of people out there, and you’ll find someone who gives you the attention you deserve

  12. I am on an app and I get swarmed with comments and interest and it’s overwhelming. These guys are saying “hey sexy” or “sup beautiful?” And nothing else. So those guys who type more than two word answers in conversation are more likely to pique my interest. Also hard to feel valued/wanted when guys literally go from asking A/S/L (lol I’m ancient and used AOL IM) then ask to hook up like WYD sexy? Lets f***. So the lack of interest is the lack of effort. Zero reciprocation when I am fully myself. Also its a lot to do with the abundance of dick yet the complete lack of respect, duality, and romanticism.

    Girls want to feel comfortable and treated well. Chivalry has died with single men.

    The game isn’t all about sex for most of us, but thats all it seems to be for men ig nowadays.

  14. Most guys I have matched with just want to hook up, then those who dont they cant hold a conversation or they want me to show effort without showing any themselves. And when I say they show no effort I mean they are not even planning the date and want me to decide everything. At this point I have given up on dating apps.

    So the core is – we do care, but I am not about to be the only one putting all the effort. As soon as I get no effort I consider the guy is just not interested and I am done with it.

  16. honestly sometimes I would match with someone that seemed okay but wasn’t exactly my type or didn’t meet certain standards I had and that’s why I didn’t follow up or make too much of an effort with them. I did meet my partner on a dating app & it’s going swimmingly!! but most people before him were people who just weren’t interesting to me!

  17. If a man wants a serious relationship with me and makes effort and I am truly interested in him I will try to put in the same amount of effort. If he doesn’t I’m not wasting my time anymore.

  19. I want to say this…I am past dating age but when I was dating…(before I got married) men who showed an interest in me it often took awhile for their vibes to “register” with me. The guys who won my attention and affection were very determined and sure of their intentions. Some of their intentions were merely “casual”; those guys sort of fizzled out with me meaning I never had relations with them and that’s probably why they never called back.
    Who cares about those types? The important thing is that the ones who “stuck” were pretty much permanent. I feel this is the way nature intended.

  21. i’ve noticed (especially talking to my guy friends who are on dating apps looking for serious relationships) that men (once they hit that “i’m ready to settle down” phase) can be a lot more willing to “see if this works!” then women are initially. women tend to be less inclined to try and force something with a guy they don’t feel an instant connection with (in other words, they’re more picky at first then men are). it tends to flip up later on in the relationship – the longer women have been in a relationship with a guy, the more likely they are to make allowances for things they wouldn’t have initially. but my guy friends tend to become more picky (almost resentful) of things they previously allowed/tolerated as the relationship progresses.

    just an observation, but maybe that contributes to why it’s harder for men to get matches?

  22. Low effort.

    No stakes.

    Nothing beyond a mini dopamine hit for being “liked”.

    Making a profile with “I want…” doesn’t mean they will do anything to get what they say they want.

    Works the same way for men and women.

  23. I honestly have finally cracked the code. The truth is in someone’s behavior not words.
    The majority of people just spit out words without having thought about it. The sense of individuality is very rare. Most people are either being heavily influenced by their environment or escaping reality all together.
    I’m looking for a serious relationship ≠ I’m ready for a serious relationship.
    The only way to move smoothly through life (and that’s true for everything not just dating) is to let behavior reveal the truth of the mindset.
    I can say i want to go to the gym and lead a healthy life, you show up ready to pick me up to be my gym partner, i ditch you with a bunch of excuses, I’m sick, I don’t have the right clothes, i need new shoes, let’s do it next week. Am I lying about wanting to go to the gym? No. Am I showing up for my life and my own desires? No. Am I the only person responsible for making that step? Yes. Then why not do the work when you so want it this badly? Because most people struggle getting out of the comfort zone, they want things handed to them. It’s not malicious, it’s just a fragile mindset caused by life stressors. See? We try to justify people’s actions not matching their words by assuming and believing they have complex characters. The reality is much more simple. Someone can only do what they say they want to do by showing up for themselves regardless of the circumstances and outcomes.

  25. a lot of people are just there for validation or bored so they use matches as pen pals to keep them occupied and as soon as you show intention and being serious they ghost. no one really is up for getting to know the person they match with

  26. The last time I used a dating app I had too many options, so I matched with ones that I found attractive, and then discovered that a lot of the conversations are just blah. It’s exhausting for me. I decided to delete the app and meet no one.

  27. Honestly. I’ve been on a few dating apps and mainly I’d say we sometimes do care. It’s mostly sometimes for me I wait to see if a guy likes me first before anything and if he shows that affection before I put my all into anything. It’s both sided tho

  30. They’re just not that into you. I don’t apps anymore because of this, and I’m happier than ever

  31. For me it was because I was still talking to my ex and wasn’t taking online dating seriously. I wouldn’t talk to quality people because I knew that I would just get back with him.

    Other times I wouldn’t care because I was depressed or thought that every guy that messaged me just wanted sex. Sometimes with so many likes, people just feel fake and disingenuous. Bots and scammers are everywhere too. So it just feels safer to not care, and to go back to a ex or someone I already know.

  34. I think a lot of people are on the apps and say stuff like that but actually don’t know what they want. Lots of people recently became single and try to date.

  36. It doesn’t help that text is such a finicky way to try and start a conversation. Because there’s no intonation or character short of how creative/crazy you can be in a short message. Because if the message is too long it won’t get read because “why bother? To many words” and if it’s short but not creative enough it’s “boring and unimaginative”

    Texting is the worst media to try to capture a person’s character and personality yet it’s the most convenient for quick and easy asynchronous communication for people who have jobs/lives/events going on that make talking in real time difficult for every person who swipes on you.

    Not to mention all the bad apples that has ruined being able to ask anyone for their number without getting to know them first. And it’s so hard to care when your swarmed with +10 matches a week. Trying to keep interest in each conversation and remember every detail. Not to mention watching out for playboys who know how to lie and get into a girls pants and then ghost/dip in less time than you can even think the word commitment.

    There’s so much going on and online dating apps are just the worst media to use to try to build a relationship off of.

  37. As someone on the dating apps who “doesn’t care” it’s because I have a life and I’m not gonna prioritize someone I just met on the internet and act like we’re in a relationship. It’s nothing personal or intentional, also I don’t have app notifications

  38. I guess they were already having a conversation with someone else and you’re not the most interesting person to them. This is happening to me constantly, no matter if we just matched or we are debating something. It happens even when they seemed thrilled to be talking to you.

  39. They care. You are competing with HUNDREDS of other men, so if you get a response at all…. Just stick it out. Better yet, ASK her out!!! Until you meet in person, no one is real and there are literally hundreds of messages

  40. I have about 80 people who have liked me on hinge in the past 2 months. I don’t care and never message, like back, or x anyone. I don’t care because I found someone I like a lot and can’t have feeling for anyone else.

  41. I think it’s hard for men to understand the sheer number of matches even an average woman receives on a dating app.

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