Hi everyone.. i want to seek some genuine advices.
I (F25) met this japanese guy (M39) from a dating app. He is actually a Partner of one of the biggest company. At first i thought it was a catch knowing that I want to find a financially stable partner. We met on the first date and he bring me to eat in a quite fancy restaurant which amounting of total bill of 1k. We talked a lot and I was still comfortable at that point. After that, we went to the bar to get more comfortable (i did told him im trying to quit drinking – he suggested mocktail) but when we reach, i end up drinking.. but its still controllable.
We had a quite intimate conversation and he ask me whether im into ‘extreme’ things.. mind you i had an ex which traumatised me because he was abusive (due to extreme kink) and because of that, i dont get the enjoyment of normal s unless if i were abused. My mistake was, i did tell him yeah, i do like extreme. Then i can see the sparkle in his eyes which quite terrified me but also.. i feel a little bit of excitement.
The problem starts when on our second date. He took me to a fancy place again, and brought me Christmas gift cost 2k. I was happy but I should’ve known better. He gets more aggressive where he keeps chocking me when we are in the car. I do feel excited but i keep asking him to take it slow as im not ready for this. He keeps saying he just want to give introductions. Everything moves so fast and i keep pushing him. I am now a bit more scared because, when after the second date, before the night ends we decided to go to a bar.
We drank, and he keeps on talking about whats my preferences on sexual things. He wanted to buy me a specified lingerie so i can wear for him. I felt at this moment like, as if I am his sugarbaby. Cause thats not what i wanted.
Then, after the night ends, as we were walking to the carpark, he throw me to the wall and chocked me at the stairs.. i was actually forcefully kissed. But he keeps asking me if i like it. I said no, and he keeps asking me until i said yes. He didnt stop there. When we went back to his car, he hug me so tightly that i cant move, and he slap my tights so hard and he pinch it. I am holding myself not to cry. I dont know if this is actually normal for those who are into bdsm/sadist-maso relationship. I am myself confused now.
I dont know if that is just his kink, or, is he actually an abuser? How do i determine it? Now for the 3rd date, he is asking me to go to his house as he wanted to cook for me (yes he loves to cook) and i rejected him and said i prefer going public. He said he is not a monster and we can do a house party (invite other friends). I dont know if i should or not, but i dont want to. I want to know if this is normal or not.
Update:
I did said to him i do not want any extreme stuff before I get comfortable or before he actually became my partner.
He said okay, he wont do/say anything. He said because i am too hot and attractive for him. Thats why.
Should i give him a chance? Or should i actually stop it? And how do i do that?
(Mind you he knows my house location)