Alright so boom. My boyfriend is nearly 8 years older than me. Im approaching my mid 20s and he is in his early 30s. I dom him sometimes in the bedroom and we get into a lot of kinky stuff. I've used collars/leashes on him, butt plugs on him, vibrating butt plugs on him, eaten his ass, vibrating chastity cages, given him glorious head most of the time weve have sex (hes obviously into butt stuff and I like playing with him). We dirty talk, sometimes I edge him, orgasm denial, the works. If I go see him in a day hes usually orgasming AT LEAST twice. When we were still new, I was new to domming as well so I wanted to take the time to learn his body and what got him off so I made sure I paid attention and made note of the things he liked in the first month of us fucking.
The other half of the time, the tables turn and I like to be the one on the receiving end. However, he just doesnt put as much effort in. To be clear we are about 3 months in now. He will give me a little foreplay then hes just jackhammering into me until he cums. It feels good but I dont get there. For a while, he would just withdraw and go on about his evening after fucking me and im like? No check in after? No making sure I get off too? The first few times hed apologize for "finishing too early" so I figured whatever maybe hes just embarrassed but later on It just felt kind of one sided to me. I addressed this with him and told him that I hadnt been getting orgasms from him and he essentially told me that its hard to get me to cum? hello? I can make myself cum 4x back to back solo.
I tried to do some more cerebral dom stuff to get us in the mood and also help me out cause even after addressing it he still wasnt getting it. I would offer direction and hed still miss the point and it would get so awkward/long winded that I just give up. I tried to make him write a research paper about female anatomy. I had a whole plan to make him research female genitalia and the science behind the female orgasm. I was then gonna grade it in a naughty professor outfit and make it a fun learning experience but after agreeing to do it he shot it down when i asked him about it again (it had been over 2 weeks since he agreed to do it) and he told me he felt belittled by me asking him to do that because a book cant teach him how to get me there. Im just sitting there like yeah it cant teach you but it sure can point you in the right direction? I told him I need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and he still doesn't really try to help me achieve that. I told him to try fingering me more and he'll wait until hes been railing me for 10 minutes to try and finger me when im already fully stretched out as opposed to doing it as foreplay before im stretched out? Theres just a lot. Coming into the relationship i only had two other sexual partners so he was the more experienced one yet hes so lost on what my needs require.
Idk what else to say at this point because a piece of me just wants to tell him that he isnt taking direction well but I literally already kinda snapped on him about it before when I was really sexually frustrated. Idk what to do to get us out of this hole. I love him so much and I know it can get better but idk what steps to take to help us get there/ nudge him in the right direction.