I’ve been with my partner for around a year and a half now, and I’m scared that I don’t feel the same for them as I used to.
I’d like to first say that I do love my partner and care very deeply for them. But I’ve been so stressed about these feelings I’m having and I’d love to hear some outside perspectives. For most of our relationship, I’ve done the heavy lifting when it comes to communication. They have had a hard time sharing their feelings and managing their emotions. I have often felt disregarded by their shutdowns, and they have on more than one occasion said something outright mean to me out of anger. I am someone who believes in healthy and forward communication and treating your partner with kindness and respect no matter how frustrated you are. I’ve had the same conversations with them for over a year about how much I value communication and how they can tell me anything and I will always be a listening ear. But time and time again, arguments started over the smallest things, no matter how much I tried to avoid them. It got to be too much.
A few weeks ago, I did some thinking and had a serious conversation with them, in which I told them I couldn’t handle our relationship as it is anymore, and that I need to see some progress in the areas we’ve spoken about before, or at least some effort, because the emotional strain of the relationship was beginning to be immensely emotionally damaging. I was crying multiple times per week over our relationship. I’m not the closest with my mother, but even she could tell I was acting differently. I said I would need to break things off if it continued that way.
Since then, they have really been great. They talked to me and heard me and the conversation went as well as it could. They’ve been making an effort and has been just lovely. I’d like to note that I’ve never questioned their love for me, even when things were bad. They are extremely loving and caring. I don’t want them to seem awful or anything because they’re not. I know they have to work through things of their own, and I know that takes time.
However, I find myself questioning things now, and it makes me feel so guilty because they’re doing so so well now. I have what I asked for—why am I feeling so uneasy? There are still a couple other things—they punch inanimate objects when angry, which I find very upsetting—but all in all, things are really good now. But I don’t have a huge desire to be intimate with them (we have sex around once a month at this point). But I also love cuddling with them and they DO make me feel loved. But I feel almost bored sometimes. Or disconnected. Or wishing I could be single again. And that makes me feel really, really badly.
I’m just so confused. If I ended things, they’d be absolutely crushed, and I can’t bear to see them that way. And they just started a nursing program, so I don’t want to put more on their plate right now. I really, really don’t want to hurt them. I think I just need some time to heal from the hard months, but I need to hear other people’s thoughts. How can I tell if I just need more time to heal emotionally, or if I’m already checked out of the relationship?
TLDR: after months of emotional difficulty, I am struggling with feeling the same for my partner as I did before even though things are “good” now, and I feel guilty about it/not sure how to proceed.