I’ve been struggling with a conflict that I don’t know how to resolve, and I’d really like outside perspectives.
I would describe my father as very Machiavellian. He sees people primarily as means to an end. For example, he’s willing to help someone extensively—housing them, inviting them to meals, supporting them—if he believes they will bring him long-term benefits or help him reach his goals. He has explicitly told me that even if someone is mean, immoral, or “evil,” you should still deal with them and try to tame them. His advice is always the same: be hypocritical, because “that’s how the world works.”
The problem is that I’ve met many successful people myself, and I’ve tried to build relationships with them on equal footing, without hierarchy or submission. It never worked. Their narcissistic behavior stressed me out deeply, and for a long time I blamed myself. Eventually, I started cutting people off when they crossed my boundaries.
At one point, I tried to follow my father’s advice—to be more strategic, more tolerant of boundary violations, more future-oriented in my relationships. But I simply couldn’t do it. Letting people cross my boundaries for potential future benefits left me feeling lost. I realized I can’t operate without my moral compass.
On top of that, I noticed a pattern: I was often the one giving time, energy, and understanding, while receiving very little in return. That imbalance made everything worse.
Now I’m confused. I don’t understand how this “game” is supposed to work.
How do people balance ethics and ambition?
Is success really incompatible with strong boundaries and moral consistency?
And if not, how do you navigate power, influence, and relationships without losing yourself?
I’d genuinely appreciate hearing how others have dealt with this.