26F. I’m aware that I’m doing something wrong, something about me consistently repels people. Even the kindest people keep their distance, they’ll be polite or sympathetic, but still not want anything to do with me. I can’t figure out what is it exactly that I keep doing wrong.
I grew up in a cult and was heavily isolated until adolescence, so I never learned basic social skills. In school I was bullied, ignored, or tolerated in the best case. As an adult I’ve tried to change several times. I made myself go to hobby related activities, parties and events, and try to socialize. But I always got it wrong. If I was quiet and shy, people ignored or felt uncomfortable around me. If I talked and tried to be friendly, people would seem receptive at first but soon avoided me. There’s never conflict or explanation, people just ghost me and avoid me, including those who initially showed interest.
A few years ago, something happened that I can’t go into details about, but it forced me again into unwanted isolation. I can’t leave the place where I live or see people much, and won’t be able to for idk how long (not due to anxiety but literally being unable to).
So I tried at least socializing online, but the exact same pattern happens. People ignore me, and those who are friendly at first soon start to avoid me too. Whatever I’m doing wrong seems obvious enough that people sense it even through a screen, without any body language or tone.
I’m not mean to people, but I know I’m awkward, depressed and socially clueless. But even other awkward people dislike me. It’s not something that makes people hate me, because nobody has ever confronted me or called me out. But whatever it is, makes people feel something is off and not want me around. I want to understand what it is.
Since I can’t get much irl interaction right now, I’m looking for any way to figure it out. What are some common mistakes someone like me could be making without knowing?