so i got with my (now) ex boyfriend when i was 17 and he was 20, and we broke up right before my 19th birthday.
a big thing in our relationship that eventually led me to break up with him was that he was constantly horny and would push for sex/makeout sessions even when i wasn't in the mood for it and let him know i was interested in doing something else. he would always complain about being in public/social settings (especially with my friends) and pretty much always wanted to be alone so we could do stuff, meanwhile i'm kind of a social butterfly, so i didn't really like this. i remember one specific instance of him holding me down onto the bed and trying to kiss me despite me trying to shove him off, but that was the only time something that forceful happened.
i'm trying to get into dating again and i just can't see myself opening up to someone like that again. part of me feels violated and repulsed by intimacy, even if the thought of it can be mildly appealing. i know this is a situation that made me uncomfortable, but i'm not sure if it actually constitutes sexual assault, or just an incompatible relationship. if you get what i mean.
i'm not sure how to get comfortable with the idea of intimacy again, so i'd like a little help with that, too.
2 comments
Time to think about seeing a therapist. Even if it’s not a long-term thing. A therapist will help you collect your thoughts and direct you towards healthy thoughts and actions going forward.
So I don’t think he SA’d you.
But his behavior sucked and it was not what intimacy is supposed to be about. But he was a horny teenager.
To me, it sounds like you kept going over your own boundaries. And then your body eventually shuts down.
And because of this experience you built a negative relation to sex. Which makes sense because it’s the only experience your body has had Now.
But don’t worry, it can definitely change.
Just be very aware of your boundaries and needs. And find a man who is mature enough to have real intimacy. To be soft and slow so your body can open up fully in love