So I got out of a pretty rough relationship recently and took a hard look at my dysfunctional dynamics. One of the main things I have found was that I've never felt emotionally safe in any of my relationships, despite doing my part in soothing and understanding my partners emotional vulnerabilities. I've been working on expressing my emotional concerns more, instead of jamming them down and letting myself grow frustrated and colder in relationships, but expressing them has not helped.
The pattern seems to go like this: We're dating, she opens up about her emotions, I try to work with it and meet her needs, she asks for something (usually commitment or further connection), I try to open up and explain my feelings, I get hit with some variation of "ok but how do I get what I want" or she says she understands but does not attempt to meet me where I'm at.
My response is A. Shove it down, go cold and continue the relationship because she's hot, sex, loneliness, etc. B. Put it to the side and try to push through it for us (resentment builds) and C. Lose attraction and interest (most commonly lately).
If the answer is I just need to find the right one, I think I'm just gonna check out of dating for a while.