I’m marking three years since my relationship ended, one where I stayed way too long and tolerated far more than I ever should have. It reached a point where my body couldn’t handle it anymore. I was constantly making excuses, trying to hide what was happening, pulling away from friends and avoiding leaving the house because almost everything turned into an argument. My world slowly got smaller until living in fear felt normal.
I’m grateful every day that I found the strength to remove the person I loved from my life. Walking away saved me but the part people don’t talk about enough is what comes after.
Now I feel very closed off especially toward men. I’m scared of being mistreated again so I stay inside what feels safe. I don’t go out much and I avoid situations where I might have to open up or trust someone. Friends suggest blind dates but the idea makes my chest tighten. I’m not ready to put myself in a situation where I feel trapped or pressured.
I’ve been thinking that easing into connection through social media or dating apps might be a gentler step. Not to meet right away, not to jump into anything, just to remind myself that not everyone is unsafe and that I’m allowed to move at my own pace.
I hate that what happened to me still has this much power over my life but I’m trying to be patient with myself. I hope no one ever has to experience what I did.