It absolutely sucks ass.
You both can do your best, get on well, enjoy everything and still not succeed. I wouldn't say its worse or better than breaking up with a fight or having an ex you hate, it is just a different type of hurt.
I feel the worse part is people just don't believe you. My ex and I broke up due to them having mental health issues. Everything between us was great, we went on dates, trips, movie nights all the usual things. We broke up as they were depressed and just couldn't take everything going on in their life. And no one believes me.
I remember talking to my friends after the breakup, and everyone was confused that I wasn't angry or upset at the sitaution. Questioning "if everything was good between you two why would you split?". I also remember the guilt and anxiety, overthinking every detail, "maybe I did do something wrong". But in the end nothing happened. They had some stuff in their life they needed to deal with, and wanted to deal with it on their own. So we went our seperate ways.
I don't know why I wanted to write this post today. Maybe its because its coming close to christmas, where relationships tend to flourish and new break ups hurt a little bit more. Hopefully someone finds this post helpful. Not all breakups are kicking and screaming, some are just mutual understanding. Doesn't make them any less painful or difficult.
Merry Christmas everyone.
5 comments
if they’re the right one, you find a way..even if it sucks. otherwise, it’s just not meant to be
I think the healthiest way I could see it is that I respected her enough to let her go, and I respected myself enough to not put myself in a situation where I would get hurt. I lost her, but she also lost me. Timing could not have been worse for us. But simply understanding them helps to not hate them for not trying harder, and yourself for getting too attached when you knew it was unstable.
I don’t really believe in right person wrong time, maybe the right person for a certain time in your life. In my experience, when I parted with someone due to mutual mental health issues, I think about how they would have handled things when things in life get truly awful and I am at peace knowing they decided to part ways and I have opportunity to find someone who is able to support me rather than shut down.
Relationships are not measured by their best days, but by their worst, and if at our worst we were not able to be there for each other, then it wasn’t meant to be.
I think if it is the right person there is no wrong time because you would work through any obstacles or differences together. Any difficulties in life or deaths in the family or mental health issues are things that a partner is supposed to help you through, not walk away from. You don’t have to hate this person, but maybe it can bring you some relief to realize that it’s possible they were not actually the right one.
There’s many people that unfortunately struggle with dichotomist thinking.
They view everything in a black or white way, yet ironically never view themselves in that way.
Anyways, sorry for your loss OP. Timing does indeed get in the way at times and there’s not much we can do about that except accept it and mourn our losses.
Don’t let others try to force their own interpretation onto your situation. You know your truth and that’s all that matters.